“What do I fear most in this life?” I ask my subconscious. The answer comes – it is the lie.
The lie that lays behind the half-truth, the closed eyes. The lie that closes doors rather than opening them.
What I fear most in this life is the lie that causes decay and rot. A fermenting of unspoken words. A half-light of awareness.
What I fear most is the dark that comes from this lie. I do not fear the pure dark; the blackness of night nor the void space that births stars. Rather I fear our turning away from it – light or dark. The veil we place over our eyes and ears when we turn from truth. The truth that is found in both the dark and the light as two expressions of the One.
I used to tremble at the weak spots in my psyche that whine for safety and sameness. I see now that I claim them, more and more with each day. And in my claiming I am loving them. Perhaps more true is that I may be afraid of my UNseeing of them. That is what gives me true discomfort. And yet I know that, the deeper and more unconditionally I love all places in self or “other”, all that has been hidden and shamed will gently reveal in Divine readiness. In truth I do not fear the asleep consciousness in us all. It is an essential foundation for our functioning.
What I fear most is the vastness of my light, the magnitude of Being. The astounding, incomprehensible power of Divine essence that can bring only the death of all that is false. But who is this “I” who feels the discomfort? It is but the small self. The social self, who clings to fragments of life rafts of identity.
There is a place that can show in my soul that worries that I will not have the courage when all is stripped away to stand bare, weeping, wounded and free from every label, every strip of identification. To stand in my infinite stature as the magnficent Being and ambassador of light that I am. And, as I remember, again and again, not to believe the story of the fear, I caress those places – whether in psyche or soul – with the softest balm of love, letting them be exactly as they are.
Will I hold this head clear, easy and strong? Or crumble to the earth in shame? Will I hold humility in my cells equally to the sovereignty and realization?
The “I” that is, was and always shall be knows no fear. For “I” am love. Of love. Inseparable, vast and impenetrable.
Fear is also the birthing of Universes from the belly of Source and Her curiosity to see life expand and evolve through the contrast of duality. It is the necessary mirror to the brilliance of Divine love. There can only be fear prevailing where we turn away from our own darkness. As lovingness fills our very DNA, deeper and deeper, the ocean holds and bathes every expression and shade of our Beingness. The deeper we are called, the free-er we can rise.
There is only fear where Love is not. Love can go to any place – if it is invited. Like the angels! But first there must be a call – spoken or unspoken. A deep – soul–deep – invitation that no matter what, above all, is love. A willingness to meet the fire and the heart-shattering tenderness both. To receive it into our deepest recesses, squirming at the alchemy with our pains. And to offer our human forms as vehicles and containers for infinite love.
What is it I fear most in this life, for nothing can kill me, I am eternal? Life is eternal. I am born and never die. Only forms change. And through each form, a myriad and multitude of galaxies of experience; of touches and tears; agony and joys.
When I return home to love there is no fear. As I breathe it in, Universal, unending and as vast as I can conceive and taste, fear is cradled and comforted as a newborn baby. All softens in unlimited tenderness. The hard edges of anxiety or terror are met with the waves of the ocean which washes them clean. Fear and love take hands and dance, laughing at the pure joy of innocence and the Divine design. It is the ocean of limitless love that carries the wave of panic. Softens it, meeting it until it dissolves in a billion bubbles, indistinguishable from any droplet in the sea.
And so our prayers for the waters are also our embracing of fears. The most ancient, primal and rudimentary of fears. I CAN survive. I CAN Live – and walk upon this blue green planet in strength and peace and harmony with my brothers and sisters.
I see you fear. I look on you with unflinching loving. I see the shadows that lurk in you. The unspoken ones. The buried ones. And I vow not to deny you nor turn in shame. You are the messenger of the Divine calling me closer, deeper.
In understanding your true essence and staying present with your gifts, I am born. And yet not born, for I always was. Always existing. Ever present as Love and Truth.
Helen Quail serves love through any many vehicles – direct consultations and healing sessions, in person or via Skype; gatherings, events and retreats globally; light transmissions and writing. You are so welcome to connect and find out more about her offerings via facebook or her site, where you can also sign up for very occasional mailings.