Birth day eve reflections

When I feel back into moments of this life
– as a sensitive, quiet five year old;
a rebellious fifteen year old;
as a single mother at eighteen;
severely ill at thirty;
and so many more….,
deeper places of tender compassion arise for the beauty of a Cosmic soul feeling lost in this world and what it appeared to be.

There was always an inner vibrating that knew, that knew, somewhere. A light that could not extinguish. But for many years it was not possible to even begin the infinite reconciliation of what it is to be a limitless Being of the Cosmos inhabiting bones, blood and skin.


Even as the journey of wholeness and  awakening moved along it was many years before the descent could begin. For the ground to be here. 


And in this, we are brought to everything. There is no where to go. Every place in our own system and psyche and to all the peaks and pools of human consciousness.


For so many of us, it has been so much easier to stay in other realms. With lifetimes of wisdom, and capacities that are vastly outwith what exists on this planet at this time it can seem incomprehensible that what we are can fully come in here. And thrive.
And some can’t.


Yet, for those who stay, we said yes.
We said yes Beloveds. So we come all the way. We are in this Mastery school , this gorgeous playground to come fully into this play as consciousness, as Divine Love, as Source.


We teach what we need to learn and so this core of embodiment has come more and more into the center of my work, and my joy to serve.  As I guide and support Beings to come home in our multi dimensionality, right here , I come more and more home to my own soul song.


We are embodied light, meeting every wave, every movement, every tear, every breath.
So as I enter the celebration of this life, of being born, I honor each of us in the dance that has no end, nor no endpoint. We weave, expand, forget, remember, grow, love and live. As notes in one Cosmic song that echoes throughout eternity.


I love you.


Thank you from my heart for being here.
💗

Helen assists in our embodiment as multi dimensional beings through sessions, energy healing, embodied light events and retreats. She currently lives in Mount Shasta, Northern California. Connect on her site or facebook.

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To know One Self as Divine Love

Love cannot know itself without the gaze of another, so it birthed Universes and exploded suns. 

It dappled stars in the blackness and cried oceans.

It sighed and breathed and sound was born. 

The dance is infinite.

This we are. 

Helen Quail
photography by Eyoalha Baker

This Mercury retrograde in Leo and Cancer has proved to be a real gem in readjusting how we present our inner Selves to the outside world. Sure it has also brought tech breakdowns and challenges (!) but most signficantly, the experience of this ride has been how it supports overcoming the fear of expressing our true feeling and desires and ending compromise and playing small. Through this there are tangible frequencies and templates of freedom and birth coming online in the last week or so. In these weeks, there has been a stepping out in whole new levels, with deeper alignment with authentic essence .

I was the girl who would hide at school, panicking at being asked to read aloud – to be heard, to be seen. What self esteem I had was based on two things – being very bright and academically successful and being told I was pretty (which I didn’t believe).

In the late twenties, devastating illness decimated those intellectual skills and and health and strength. I could not walk and often relied on the care from my new husband. This was the biggest gateway in my soul awakening and this journey has woven and cycled over the past twenty years. Early on, there was a seeing and knowing with deep clarity of visions of the “future self”, standing before a large hall of people, listening to my words. Six years ago, a step in that vision manifested when I stood before one hundred and fifty people leading a group meditation and healing.

Yet the pull of the egoic self – to stay small, to hide – continues. After several years stepping back from external work, the lifelong patterns of diminishment still arise. So the invitation to be a speaker on a conscious telesummit became one where I had two choices – to follow fear or to dare greatly – in the words of Brene Brown. The key is WHO is choosing. What aspect of our Being are we following? Was my soul quaking? Fearing the worst? No – so the choice becomes clearer. There was a deeper place present, not leaving, not abandoning. And this was what was chosen. No matter what.

So STAYING with what arises – not making any of it wrong, not getting entangled in the stories; not identifying with it; just letting it be met, loved and present – there is a natural, inevitable return to wholeness and peace. Calm, acceptance and joy at following what is true. And after the event, what a celebration! Of LIFE. Choosing to be alive; to live as Love and dissolve another layer of the self limiting programming.

Over this same period, I had my first professional photos taken in the most delightful way with the extraordinary Eyoalha Baker as the sun rose in the magical forest near Mount Shasta. You can see one above and on my site. And what a joyous and natural experience it was to play and dance with the light energies and beings.

The inner voices do not disappear, may never do, as long as this One is in a body-mind, but the journey is of understanding who is speaking. Listening, loving and bringing all home. This is a choice we truly make each moment. Each time we meet another’s gaze. Each word that comes.

My prayer is that we learn to listen, more than ever, to the quiet, to the bottomless. This is where the dance is, the movement, the stillness; the joy and the grief. I see you in your doubts, your trembling, your aloneness and self loathing. And I see you in your absolute magnificence, your infinite compassion and vast Love. They are not separate. It truly is in the BEING HERE for the really uncomfortable arisings that more light can land.

I love you in this. I know You.

Helen loves to meet in the Truth of who we are, opening to the highest movement and energies to support our wholeness, embodiment and evolution. This can be one to one, in groups, retreats or online circles. Find out more and you are welcome to connect on social media.

Embracing He and She as One

We are familiar with them but often blinded or, even more so, numbed, by the familiarity and pervasive social support for these constructs of control. The patriarchal patterns, anchored in money and power via the material realm and so woven into the structures of society have been used over the “feminine” and culturally embedded for many, many lifetimes as a tool of control and separation. The good news is that they are so “up” for being held and met, in and as full awareness in these times of times. The external struggles simply reflect the inner fragmentation. My system feels the toxicity of this whole illusion in the belly, heart and throat as it comes closer and deeper into the home of Love.

Shadow not brought to the light of consciousness activates and perpetuates more shadow. The feminine shadow includes ungrounded emotionality and manipulation of feeling and sexuality. Here, she can falsely seek her own control and expression and he retreats, feeling unsafe. Or, very often, she is silenced in the weight of his wielding this abuse of power. Her voice is yet again attempted to be removed. She is denied.

In this disconnect, He is in vast pain from the fragmentation from his own Presence into life with all its challenges. Empty of purpose, he grasps to external forms to fill the void. Inwardly there is the ache of longing for what she holds as the dance with creation. She feels the rage and despair of countless lifetimes of being silenced and suppressed and the bottomless grief of “him” not being there for “her”. She is cut off from He. Voice is not founded in Presence. Presence has no fully embodied form to move and create and express. There is no ground of Being for life to fully dance.

The true masculine is pure endless awareness, with its’ essential nature as peace, stillness, joy. The true feminine is love, creation, movement, shakti, sexuality. Both are within – within every one of us – male or female in form. The balance and the integration in each being vary tremendously. Yet, form and formless are constantly seeking the “other”; the merging back into wholeness that was never lost, just veiled by the belief in who we thought we are; fed by the blood of endless wounds and drowned out by the whirling of the over-stimulated mind.

What deep, deep energies these patterns carry in our collective and how the heart swells in compassion for each of us when we get caught in this “hell”. To the extent that we identify with these plays, we suffer so deeply. When we fall into seeking control – in any way – and certainly through external, unreal constructs of money and ownership, we have lost touch with our Self. We are anchored wholly in the false “I” that is separate. She cannot open and be met. He cannot access the limitless dancing of the Cosmos through Her.

The fragmentation between these expressions of One within every being – whatever gender – is our fundamental disconnect from true nature. The apparent hell of the separate worlds of victim and oppressor; of the abandoned child; of the alone heart – all can be recognized in the ocean of That which is. The integration calls for nothing other than the meeting with full Presence to every movement of creation and form; feeling, thought, body, circumstance. Every play through form is drenched in limitless awareness. There is no separation.

Helen works individually with people from around the planet, as a guide, healer, teacher – facilitating inquiry and embodiment into our true, multi dimensional unlimited nature. Book here or sign up for occasional updates on events, groups, online programmes and her writings. Feel welcome to connect on Facebook.

A world of Love

every day is a day of love

This is a day when the vast majority of humans on this planet are, if but momentarily, thinking about love, primarily through the filter of romantic and intimate relationship. Some will revel in the affection with a partner; others lament our apparent aloneness. Let us compassionately but firmly blow through the seduction of what we have been sold in various packages, as a species. The Love and meeting we seek can truly only be located in our love affair with the Mystery, the Divine, the unnameable. The encounters we have as humans can open us further; heal and expand our shaking hearts. They can of course also close them down for a time, when the precious tenderness of our light and love is violated.

Many of us may be content with the comfort of loving companionship, friendship and trust sculpted over time and shared life experience and how precious this is. Some may stay in unhappy pairings not seeing any other choices or feel lonely in our singledom. And some – not so many – but a growing and very significant group, are dedicated above all to the inner union. That is the deep experiential knowledge of the Divine through our own self. Evolutionary conscious relationship may be a significant vehicle for the growing of this inner marriage but, crucially, it will be in service to that. The knowing and union of Divine and form within cannot ever be for a self, an individual “alone”. For that is an individual that is based on a misunderstanding. Union – yoga – occurs through a one; through a differentiated form and expression of consciousness, thus flowing back into and evolving the origin. Relating consciously is an immensely potent catalyst.

We often fall “in love” with what we see, imagine or project onto another; the qualities we most desire or wish in ourselves. The cauldron of Love will inevitably bubble up the hidden pains, the shame, the abandoned places; all that longs to return to the embrace of wholeness. So if we are not here for this, for our own self, what we took to be love may turn even to hate, to resentment, hurt, disappointment. If what arises cannot be met, then the rejection of these places is placed onto another form.

Many of us are understandably caught in the pursuit of fulfilling our own personal desires. Few are courageous enough or awake enough to dedicate every form of relating to That which is. Nor is it the path for many.

An unending, unshakeable meeting is found fully only in awareness itself, in Divine Love. It can pour through forms of realized beings yet is not of, or belonging to, any one. Love is without end and as we taste this it is dizzying and terrifying to the small one who thought our human play was real.

Love shapes each one of us in our wide-eyed, crazy-making, colorful brilliance. It flows through our veins. It saturates the air we breathe. It is discovered and uncovered through every relating, whether with lover, friend, rock or tree. But the depth of the agonies and limitless realities that are illuminated through conscious intimate relationship are perhaps the richest pathway to an honest meeting of our self; a dying to our attachment to who we take ourselves to be and a falling into the One that never leaves, never turns away; that is love , everywhere. The One that is right here. Calling you.

Helen offers private sessions in Mount Shasta or through skype. Book here. Groups and events and other offerings can be accessed through subscribing on her siteand please feel welcome to connect through facebook.

Truth waits quietly


“Stop!” she said.
“No” his answer.

This is a play of the illusion of separation as it is most prevalently played out in the crumbling paradigm of patriarchy.
And I don’t at all mean confined to sexuality.
This is showing up in our daily lives with Beloveds, children.

With those of us culturally fed to believe in our false identification with power, and as a long quietened voice of Love finds a clearer tone and the opening hearts in this world.


It may be male or female speaking these words, but the unique flavour of separation that is distorted power and control is very active in our human world as it crumbles.
And the feminine aspect is especially in a wave of clearer boundary setting and embodying self-love in real, sometimes bloody and brave ways.

As the illusion of “other” evaporates; there can be no enemy, no fight. Our only call is to look inside, deep and long; not turning away from the ghosts and wails calling for Loving Presence.

As we are HERE, spaciousness enters more and more lusciously. The always extant state of gratitude hums through every “experience”. It is both earth and sky.

The ground of Being is pure joy; Love and appreciation.
All of these but finite words; flags waving in the winds calling us to look, look, look.
Truth waits.

Helen is available for one to one sessions at a special 10% discount through December. Book and connect through her site and Facebook.

Messengers of freedom

When another forces their energy and agenda onto us, even as we stay in centre, it feels a violation.
When we allow ourselves to be pushed beyond what is in alignment for our system, it’s violence.


I am feeling grief for the ways I have been less than true to my own Self;
where I have betrayed myself through over trusting others; where I have moved out of balance into trying to bring any agenda to another; for not admitting the evidence of someone’s  orientation in relation to their personal self because I so adore their essence.


The expressions of these patterns may be more subtle as we grow and re-member who we actually are but, like trails of cloud, they are wistful, haunting, beautiful messengers of freedom, pointing to the vast starry sky.

These are the times of greater birthing of freedom. Look to the stars, as citadels crumble around us; look to the soil, as we find stronger feet; look to the vastness within our own hearts, as we find only and always, Love.

Helen is available for one to one sessions globally and in person in Mount Shasta California. She will be facilitating gatherings in 2019. Please connect through her site or Facebook to book your session or to keep updated .

The innocence of gratitude

Mist over the Pacific Ocean, Northern California

I am welcoming the undercurrent of gratitude that has been a theme of recent weeks and, approaching my family’s first Thanksgiving celebration in USA, it feels especially timely to share some gentle reflections on this theme. California is moving through a very turbulent episode with wildfires devastating hundreds of thousands of acres, claiming land, lives and homes alike.  The US political system is more evidently in need of foundational overall than ever.

So it is exactly here,  and now where we can choose gratitude. Not for a second as a numbing or bypassing of feelings of grief, rage, loss or whatever may be moving through our system. All are welcome in ample spaciousness. Not at some future point when the world looks more in harmony; when our lives meet our expectations. But to excavate and feed gratitude as the ocean that lies beneath everything. It is our deeper and consistent “Yes!” to Spirit, to Truth, to the lessons that wake us from the sleepwalk and call us to LIVE in nothing less than full integrity.

Gratitude is a quality of the flow and alignment that is always present beneath the cementing of conditioning. Our true nature is one of Love, profound contentment, at-one-ment and appreciation. Not “because” of any “thing”. Love is not conditional. Our true nature is not conditional. Appreciation just is.

Western contemporary society is rigorously structured to defend and remove us from this state. Gratitude – if we feel it – in our over stimulated, materialistic driven modern world, is inexorably entwined with things or achievements. With the illusion of doing and the one who is doing.

But we ARE. And Here there are only rivers and rivers of rightness and appreciation for the perfection of everything – whatever form that may take in manifestation.

There can though be no sidestepping, no shortcuts for what is arising. Let us witness the ebbs and flows of feelings and thoughts  – without thinking this is who we ARE. And given space we can return to deep and permeating peace, contentment and wonder at the brilliance and intelligence of the Mystery.

So practice is required. Just as many of us find a nourishing foundation in meditation practice and our sadhana, practising gratitude on a consistent basis in our day and our life is another pointer home.

Gratitude is the gatekeeper from judgement or criticism of another being or of circumstance walking us into alignment with the holy wisdom of Life itself.

In noticing that sadness and grief float gently around where an “other ” cannot be present, meet, or feel us, gratitude flows forth in realising what is actually occurring is a further dying of this one’s attachment to identification. There is no person here to hold expectations of any other “person”. Just Beings, playing in form. The temporary movement of grief is welcomed. The greater movement into freedom is welcomed.

Let us practice in meaningful ways dropping into this aspect of true nature. Not only when things are going well in the eyes of the person(ality) but recognising that every experience, every interaction and every stripping away is a Divine messenger, a holy ally created by our own Selves to illuminate the light of Truth.

Helen meets in one to one sessions globally to facilitate wholeness. Please explore her site for a deeper taste and to book an appointment.
Sessions are offered in person and online from the Sacred transformative location of Mount Shasta, California, root chakra of the planet.
You are also welcome to connect on facebook. Helen will be offering a programme of group gatherings in 2019.