Author Archives: Helen Luminosa Quail

About Helen Luminosa Quail

Beyond the labels....?? me/us. Writing has always lain within me, now it is ready to flow... You can find out more about my offerings in the world at www.luminosa.org.uk.

A world of Love

every day is a day of love

This is a day when the vast majority of humans on this planet are, if but momentarily, thinking about love, primarily through the filter of romantic and intimate relationship. Some will revel in the affection with a partner; others lament our apparent aloneness. Let us compassionately but firmly blow through the seduction of what we have been sold in various packages, as a species. The Love and meeting we seek can truly only be located in our love affair with the Mystery, the Divine, the unnameable. The encounters we have as humans can open us further; heal and expand our shaking hearts. They can of course also close them down for a time, when the precious tenderness of our light and love is violated.

Many of us may be content with the comfort of loving companionship, friendship and trust sculpted over time and shared life experience and how precious this is. Some may stay in unhappy pairings not seeing any other choices or feel lonely in our singledom. And some – not so many – but a growing and very significant group, are dedicated above all to the inner union. That is the deep experiential knowledge of the Divine through our own self. Evolutionary conscious relationship may be a significant vehicle for the growing of this inner marriage but, crucially, it will be in service to that. The knowing and union of Divine and form within cannot ever be for a self, an individual “alone”. For that is an individual that is based on a misunderstanding. Union – yoga – occurs through a one; through a differentiated form and expression of consciousness, thus flowing back into and evolving the origin. Relating consciously is an immensely potent catalyst.

We often fall “in love” with what we see, imagine or project onto another; the qualities we most desire or wish in ourselves. The cauldron of Love will inevitably bubble up the hidden pains, the shame, the abandoned places; all that longs to return to the embrace of wholeness. So if we are not here for this, for our own self, what we took to be love may turn even to hate, to resentment, hurt, disappointment. If what arises cannot be met, then the rejection of these places is placed onto another form.

Many of us are understandably caught in the pursuit of fulfilling our own personal desires. Few are courageous enough or awake enough to dedicate every form of relating to That which is. Nor is it the path for many.

An unending, unshakeable meeting is found fully only in awareness itself, in Divine Love. It can pour through forms of realized beings yet is not of, or belonging to, any one. Love is without end and as we taste this it is dizzying and terrifying to the small one who thought our human play was real.

Love shapes each one of us in our wide-eyed, crazy-making, colorful brilliance. It flows through our veins. It saturates the air we breathe. It is discovered and uncovered through every relating, whether with lover, friend, rock or tree. But the depth of the agonies and limitless realities that are illuminated through conscious intimate relationship are perhaps the richest pathway to an honest meeting of our self; a dying to our attachment to who we take ourselves to be and a falling into the One that never leaves, never turns away; that is love , everywhere. The One that is right here. Calling you.

Helen offers private sessions in Mount Shasta or through skype. Book here. Groups and events and other offerings can be accessed through subscribing on her siteand please feel welcome to connect through facebook.

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Truth waits quietly


“Stop!” she said.
“No” his answer.

This is a play of the illusion of separation as it is most prevalently played out in the crumbling paradigm of patriarchy.
And I don’t at all mean confined to sexuality.
This is showing up in our daily lives with Beloveds, children.

With those of us culturally fed to believe in our false identification with power, and as a long quietened voice of Love finds a clearer tone and the opening hearts in this world.


It may be male or female speaking these words, but the unique flavour of separation that is distorted power and control is very active in our human world as it crumbles.
And the feminine aspect is especially in a wave of clearer boundary setting and embodying self-love in real, sometimes bloody and brave ways.

As the illusion of “other” evaporates; there can be no enemy, no fight. Our only call is to look inside, deep and long; not turning away from the ghosts and wails calling for Loving Presence.

As we are HERE, spaciousness enters more and more lusciously. The always extant state of gratitude hums through every “experience”. It is both earth and sky.

The ground of Being is pure joy; Love and appreciation.
All of these but finite words; flags waving in the winds calling us to look, look, look.
Truth waits.

Helen is available for one to one sessions at a special 10% discount through December. Book and connect through her site and Facebook.

Messengers of freedom

When another forces their energy and agenda onto us, even as we stay in centre, it feels a violation.
When we allow ourselves to be pushed beyond what is in alignment for our system, it’s violence.


I am feeling grief for the ways I have been less than true to my own Self;
where I have betrayed myself through over trusting others; where I have moved out of balance into trying to bring any agenda to another; for not admitting the evidence of someone’s  orientation in relation to their personal self because I so adore their essence.


The expressions of these patterns may be more subtle as we grow and re-member who we actually are but, like trails of cloud, they are wistful, haunting, beautiful messengers of freedom, pointing to the vast starry sky.

These are the times of greater birthing of freedom. Look to the stars, as citadels crumble around us; look to the soil, as we find stronger feet; look to the vastness within our own hearts, as we find only and always, Love.

Helen is available for one to one sessions globally and in person in Mount Shasta California. She will be facilitating gatherings in 2019. Please connect through her site or Facebook to book your session or to keep updated .

The innocence of gratitude

Mist over the Pacific Ocean, Northern California

I am welcoming the undercurrent of gratitude that has been a theme of recent weeks and, approaching my family’s first Thanksgiving celebration in USA, it feels especially timely to share some gentle reflections on this theme. California is moving through a very turbulent episode with wildfires devastating hundreds of thousands of acres, claiming land, lives and homes alike.  The US political system is more evidently in need of foundational overall than ever.

So it is exactly here,  and now where we can choose gratitude. Not for a second as a numbing or bypassing of feelings of grief, rage, loss or whatever may be moving through our system. All are welcome in ample spaciousness. Not at some future point when the world looks more in harmony; when our lives meet our expectations. But to excavate and feed gratitude as the ocean that lies beneath everything. It is our deeper and consistent “Yes!” to Spirit, to Truth, to the lessons that wake us from the sleepwalk and call us to LIVE in nothing less than full integrity.

Gratitude is a quality of the flow and alignment that is always present beneath the cementing of conditioning. Our true nature is one of Love, profound contentment, at-one-ment and appreciation. Not “because” of any “thing”. Love is not conditional. Our true nature is not conditional. Appreciation just is.

Western contemporary society is rigorously structured to defend and remove us from this state. Gratitude – if we feel it – in our over stimulated, materialistic driven modern world, is inexorably entwined with things or achievements. With the illusion of doing and the one who is doing.

But we ARE. And Here there are only rivers and rivers of rightness and appreciation for the perfection of everything – whatever form that may take in manifestation.

There can though be no sidestepping, no shortcuts for what is arising. Let us witness the ebbs and flows of feelings and thoughts  – without thinking this is who we ARE. And given space we can return to deep and permeating peace, contentment and wonder at the brilliance and intelligence of the Mystery.

So practice is required. Just as many of us find a nourishing foundation in meditation practice and our sadhana, practising gratitude on a consistent basis in our day and our life is another pointer home.

Gratitude is the gatekeeper from judgement or criticism of another being or of circumstance walking us into alignment with the holy wisdom of Life itself.

In noticing that sadness and grief float gently around where an “other ” cannot be present, meet, or feel us, gratitude flows forth in realising what is actually occurring is a further dying of this one’s attachment to identification. There is no person here to hold expectations of any other “person”. Just Beings, playing in form. The temporary movement of grief is welcomed. The greater movement into freedom is welcomed.

Let us practice in meaningful ways dropping into this aspect of true nature. Not only when things are going well in the eyes of the person(ality) but recognising that every experience, every interaction and every stripping away is a Divine messenger, a holy ally created by our own Selves to illuminate the light of Truth.

Helen meets in one to one sessions globally to facilitate wholeness. Please explore her site for a deeper taste and to book an appointment.
Sessions are offered in person and online from the Sacred transformative location of Mount Shasta, California, root chakra of the planet.
You are also welcome to connect on facebook. Helen will be offering a programme of group gatherings in 2019.

The spectrum of Love

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dusk from the  mountain

Some of the most destructive wildfires California has known have been burning not far from the sacred mountain so the skies are heavy with smoke. Earthquake and fire erupt around the planet.

“More deeply than ever, choosing Love moment to moment.
Choosing Life.
Breath by breath, we can.
It may look like the wildfires burning not far from here;
the rose coloured moon;
or the searing pain in our heart.
It is the radical unknowing
and the willingness to bow to it all.
Meeting the heartbreak and beauty both.

Breath by breath.”

Two days after I wrote these words, every breath literally became excruciating as the I lay in bed with cracked bones; a deep, ancient heart release. So, so old energies of oppression oozed from the bone structures, and my sternum ached in its core as a deeper level of release opened.

Such is life. Literally in a heartbeat we are catapulted into an entirely new realm. As when I fell just before autumn equinox last year, fracturing my finger, the extent of the energetic release and ancient healing was apparent so quickly. As was the perfection of what took place. So it has been a time of – imposed – rest, self-care and letting go even more. My children all on school holidays, feeling very new in this different continent and needing their mother whilst for a prolonged time every breath, every movement was a challenge.

So where now words have greater space to come, may my personal reflections feel relevant to what is happening in our world and perhaps within your own self.

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perfection on a morning walk

The big themes throughout these eclipse weeks have been purifying; clarifying and boundaries as self love in action.

Boundaries are a topic showing up for many, seemingly fuelled by the ongoing evolution of the feminine finding her authentic voice – and the masculine archetypes in crisis. We are all searching, realising the false echoes of what has been fed to us. There is a strength emerging that is pure, true and fierce. She is uncompromising as she is tender. The spectrum of Love that is infinite, that encompasses everything also includes setting strong, non-negotiable boundaries when one is being consistently or strongly hurt.

Compassion can co-exist wildly with the call for rooted self-love. True compassion in its essence includes wisdom; embracing the whole situation and focusses on care for the true Self. Idiot compassion, a phrase of which I just became aware, is misdirected compassion for the personality acting out; support for neuroses; in effect enabling; or acting to soother our own egoic sense of inadequacy. This illuminated some of where I had become entangled.

The spectrum of love can move from two extremes between closing down and withdrawing emotionally and being so open we cannot hear our own deep inner yes or no. We are conditioned to cling to polarities, either of which is a distortion. As we shine more and more light on these inner swings, we can come to rest in the truth or our Beingness that is unshakeable as Love itself and we drop our projections onto others.

I have been led through several very vivid initiations, large and small around this theme of the spectrum of love and cultivating boundaries and I hear many echoing this recently. I watched my inner conflicts when someone I loved and cared about went into a severe mental health crisis. This was happening right in my home. The young man’s partner was having her life threatened. The person began rampaging, rambling manically and acting in a wholly unpredictable and disturbing manner. Subsequently, this young man’s long history of repeated hospitalisation, manic episodes and homelessness emerged as did his partners’ enabling and collusion. It was painful for me to find the place where I love and care as much as ever but I had to make a choice to take care of myself and my family, as difficult and painful as this was.

The couple along with the other housemate, then, subtly or blatantly, put their projections of blame and guilt on me. There was no compassion from those directly involved for the extreme difficulty and trauma for my family. As I allowed space for my own trauma, anger, disappointment and heartbreak, I could hold and drop deeper into my centre, feeling only compassion and forgiveness. Including for myself, seeing where I was conflicted and placed others wellbeing before myself and my family, creating suffering in the process.

The very real and grounded choosing of love that can be deeply uncomfortable here called for strong, unequivocal action and boundaries. The balance and integration of the feminine and masculine aspects. The Universe set this all up so precisely so that I had to deal with it all literally alone, without any physical support. So the challenges and later strength that came were unmissable. And there could be no projections onto any “other” of what was called for.

I feel so much gratitude that – perhaps because the situation was SO extreme – I developed whole new levels of clarity in seeing the projections so clearly and choosing not to take them on. What someone thinks of us is really none of our business! I was not safe in my own home and in tapping deeper into what self-love actually called for, I found the courage to insist they leave, even as I tried to get him help and support.

So, in this field of clarifying and renegotiating boundaries, also arises the topic of projections. Projections and entanglement go hand in hand. I have been realising a deeper lesson in how much I have allowed myself to be affected by what are others projections, BECAUSE  and where they are close soul family whom I love profoundly. And they are humans. Again I am further developing the skill of knowing, seeing and loving the soul and multidimensional selves and accepting where the human is. It can be very sad yet it is also an act of true liberation for the person and for self. Freedom.

Let people be where they are. We can still silently and persistently radiate the mirroring and echoing of their true essence. We can honour whatever their reality is, emotionally or psychologically, making all the space it needs and know that who they are essentially is unchangeable.

I have also been looking more closely at how I can tend still to “lean out” towards others; in love; in sincerity; in care. I am aware of patterns from many years ago of pouring myself into caring for others as a denial of that love for my own self.  Now so much more centred in my own nature as Love, with the love I have and my willingness to self-reflect, I have indulged others reflections too much. They are always an opportunity to grow but I am developing greater discernment at not taking on or in what is not oriented in love.

In part of my enquiries, I have allowed to come closer more of the essential purity of my soul. This is a place that is bewildered at the pain of this world. She is not naive, she is vast, yet she holds a profound innocence and a shimmering purity that is rare and finds it excruciating to feel all on this planet. Perhaps there is a gradual merging of more aspects of my soul; the wise woman and this shimmering purity; the mother, the lover; the ancient priestess; the Cosmic evolutionary – all of it.

Ultimately it all comes to this, now. This breath. This touch. This word of love that vibrates across the oceans.

Be well. Go gently but be unafraid of the fierceness of your blazing heart. We walk a delicate balance as the energies pouring into our cells and planet integrate. Have the wild courage to stay open; to love as only you can; to feel and to keep the tender skin of your feet close to the earth, even as your vibrancy dances with the very stars.

Helen offers herself in service through one to one work and gatherings globally. You can contact her and subscribe for updates at her site or on facebook.

Circles of transition

moon shasta redding real estate

Life has had me intensely in Her grip in past weeks. As for many of us, it seems. Huge transitions have been in play in all levels of my world, much of which remain quiet, integrating within.  And I have come to realise that this is equally the intensity that is moving in the collective as polarities in consciousness actually are pulled together to explode into what is true.

It has been a time of the circle. Completions and beginnings both interweave and overlay; one and the same. Timelines merge. The layers opening in recent times across so many levels have called for every bit of my energy and sometimes more.  On the third day of landing in California, dissolution happened in a vivid way. What seemed almost insanely intense, I slowly came to sense was not only (or even) personal. Of course, I had been under immense stress and pressure – relocating my family five thousand miles and much more – but I came to hear and feel of soul family equally cracking, weeping, dissolving, immobilised with exhaustion with striking power.  In this, I am grateful for the reminding that we are ever and always droplets in a moving, breathing, shifting ocean, each both drop and ocean, which brings some gentle comfort to the burning soul and aching body.

I find the invitation ever more vivid to be fully present to exactly what is – the raging; the holy fire; the inability to summon energy to function; the fury, despair, tenderness, quaking vulnerability, and always, always pulsing silently or loudly, – Love. Now I am beginning to drop tendrils into the Californian soil, to exhale, to soften into this more deeply. I feel my soul dropping deeper into my physicality, many aspects of my Self aligning. The threads that weave the invisible sanctuary in which Being can thrive are mysterious and many.

In these past days, the moon rose in her fullness over Mount Shasta. In Capricorn, she heralds a time of decision making; decisions that bring us closer to who we are and anchor our essence in the material plane in how we live and act. I have also very much been feeling the feminine flow of gentleness and softness, amplified by the Sacred mountain, even in her unrelenting transformative potency. The Mother sings her embrace of Sacred cadence simultaneously as we are lifted to make real life-directing decisions and to act upon them. The balance of the masculine and feminine feels more rooted in life than ever before.

I am but a “newcomer” in this life to living in the embrace of the mountain, with aeons of learning to rediscover and forge anew. In this apprenticing, I observe in one day the movements between softest Grace and fierce fire. Opening up all the way to exactly what is showing up here and now, however discomfiting, opens us – parts of us we know well – to devastation. What feels like devastation can open in a breath. And what remains? What is beneath and around; caressing, whispering and wrapping its unyielding arms around all? The more fully one can BE right here, – without restriction, without the cloud of story, – the torrent of the Cosmos can wash away more stones, more dust, more veils of attachment to identity or belief.

What is left, is Life itself, without interpretation and the film of understanding.  Indescribable, indefinable beauty.  Direct. Alive. Without limit.

Dying and being reborn we are. Infinitely.

Helen offers one to one sessions globally. Explore more and book at www.helenquail.com or facebook. The next cycle of events will come to fruition and be posted on her site in due course.

 

 

Love’s call

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Let no one tell you who you are.
Let every wind, tree and bird show your deepest, vastest nature
beneath all the layers of skin,
hardened over years of pulling away from the inexorable vortex within;
the mirage of mirrors of clothing
and hats
and too-quick words
that lean us away from Love’s freefall,
into echoing despair.

Where is the pulse of your belly?
The ocean of your chest?
the Cosmos of your Sacred heart?
Oh let us free it all into wildness, together.

Let go into the infinite that has no definition,

only the tears of your cracking chest
the breath of your soul
that will pulse forever
like a beacon,
and a torch
calling always to truth.

 

Explore with Helen on her site or facebook