Tag Archives: consciousness

To know One Self as Divine Love

Love cannot know itself without the gaze of another, so it birthed Universes and exploded suns. 

It dappled stars in the blackness and cried oceans.

It sighed and breathed and sound was born. 

The dance is infinite.

This we are. 

Helen Quail
photography by Eyoalha Baker

This Mercury retrograde in Leo and Cancer has proved to be a real gem in readjusting how we present our inner Selves to the outside world. Sure it has also brought tech breakdowns and challenges (!) but most signficantly, the experience of this ride has been how it supports overcoming the fear of expressing our true feeling and desires and ending compromise and playing small. Through this there are tangible frequencies and templates of freedom and birth coming online in the last week or so. In these weeks, there has been a stepping out in whole new levels, with deeper alignment with authentic essence .

I was the girl who would hide at school, panicking at being asked to read aloud – to be heard, to be seen. What self esteem I had was based on two things – being very bright and academically successful and being told I was pretty (which I didn’t believe).

In the late twenties, devastating illness decimated those intellectual skills and and health and strength. I could not walk and often relied on the care from my new husband. This was the biggest gateway in my soul awakening and this journey has woven and cycled over the past twenty years. Early on, there was a seeing and knowing with deep clarity of visions of the “future self”, standing before a large hall of people, listening to my words. Six years ago, a step in that vision manifested when I stood before one hundred and fifty people leading a group meditation and healing.

Yet the pull of the egoic self – to stay small, to hide – continues. After several years stepping back from external work, the lifelong patterns of diminishment still arise. So the invitation to be a speaker on a conscious telesummit became one where I had two choices – to follow fear or to dare greatly – in the words of Brene Brown. The key is WHO is choosing. What aspect of our Being are we following? Was my soul quaking? Fearing the worst? No – so the choice becomes clearer. There was a deeper place present, not leaving, not abandoning. And this was what was chosen. No matter what.

So STAYING with what arises – not making any of it wrong, not getting entangled in the stories; not identifying with it; just letting it be met, loved and present – there is a natural, inevitable return to wholeness and peace. Calm, acceptance and joy at following what is true. And after the event, what a celebration! Of LIFE. Choosing to be alive; to live as Love and dissolve another layer of the self limiting programming.

Over this same period, I had my first professional photos taken in the most delightful way with the extraordinary Eyoalha Baker as the sun rose in the magical forest near Mount Shasta. You can see one above and on my site. And what a joyous and natural experience it was to play and dance with the light energies and beings.

The inner voices do not disappear, may never do, as long as this One is in a body-mind, but the journey is of understanding who is speaking. Listening, loving and bringing all home. This is a choice we truly make each moment. Each time we meet another’s gaze. Each word that comes.

My prayer is that we learn to listen, more than ever, to the quiet, to the bottomless. This is where the dance is, the movement, the stillness; the joy and the grief. I see you in your doubts, your trembling, your aloneness and self loathing. And I see you in your absolute magnificence, your infinite compassion and vast Love. They are not separate. It truly is in the BEING HERE for the really uncomfortable arisings that more light can land.

I love you in this. I know You.

Helen loves to meet in the Truth of who we are, opening to the highest movement and energies to support our wholeness, embodiment and evolution. This can be one to one, in groups, retreats or online circles. Find out more and you are welcome to connect on social media.

Advertisements

Embracing He and She as One

We are familiar with them but often blinded or, even more so, numbed, by the familiarity and pervasive social support for these constructs of control. The patriarchal patterns, anchored in money and power via the material realm and so woven into the structures of society have been used over the “feminine” and culturally embedded for many, many lifetimes as a tool of control and separation. The good news is that they are so “up” for being held and met, in and as full awareness in these times of times. The external struggles simply reflect the inner fragmentation. My system feels the toxicity of this whole illusion in the belly, heart and throat as it comes closer and deeper into the home of Love.

Shadow not brought to the light of consciousness activates and perpetuates more shadow. The feminine shadow includes ungrounded emotionality and manipulation of feeling and sexuality. Here, she can falsely seek her own control and expression and he retreats, feeling unsafe. Or, very often, she is silenced in the weight of his wielding this abuse of power. Her voice is yet again attempted to be removed. She is denied.

In this disconnect, He is in vast pain from the fragmentation from his own Presence into life with all its challenges. Empty of purpose, he grasps to external forms to fill the void. Inwardly there is the ache of longing for what she holds as the dance with creation. She feels the rage and despair of countless lifetimes of being silenced and suppressed and the bottomless grief of “him” not being there for “her”. She is cut off from He. Voice is not founded in Presence. Presence has no fully embodied form to move and create and express. There is no ground of Being for life to fully dance.

The true masculine is pure endless awareness, with its’ essential nature as peace, stillness, joy. The true feminine is love, creation, movement, shakti, sexuality. Both are within – within every one of us – male or female in form. The balance and the integration in each being vary tremendously. Yet, form and formless are constantly seeking the “other”; the merging back into wholeness that was never lost, just veiled by the belief in who we thought we are; fed by the blood of endless wounds and drowned out by the whirling of the over-stimulated mind.

What deep, deep energies these patterns carry in our collective and how the heart swells in compassion for each of us when we get caught in this “hell”. To the extent that we identify with these plays, we suffer so deeply. When we fall into seeking control – in any way – and certainly through external, unreal constructs of money and ownership, we have lost touch with our Self. We are anchored wholly in the false “I” that is separate. She cannot open and be met. He cannot access the limitless dancing of the Cosmos through Her.

The fragmentation between these expressions of One within every being – whatever gender – is our fundamental disconnect from true nature. The apparent hell of the separate worlds of victim and oppressor; of the abandoned child; of the alone heart – all can be recognized in the ocean of That which is. The integration calls for nothing other than the meeting with full Presence to every movement of creation and form; feeling, thought, body, circumstance. Every play through form is drenched in limitless awareness. There is no separation.

Helen works individually with people from around the planet, as a guide, healer, teacher – facilitating inquiry and embodiment into our true, multi dimensional unlimited nature. Book here or sign up for occasional updates on events, groups, online programmes and her writings. Feel welcome to connect on Facebook.

A world of Love

every day is a day of love

This is a day when the vast majority of humans on this planet are, if but momentarily, thinking about love, primarily through the filter of romantic and intimate relationship. Some will revel in the affection with a partner; others lament our apparent aloneness. Let us compassionately but firmly blow through the seduction of what we have been sold in various packages, as a species. The Love and meeting we seek can truly only be located in our love affair with the Mystery, the Divine, the unnameable. The encounters we have as humans can open us further; heal and expand our shaking hearts. They can of course also close them down for a time, when the precious tenderness of our light and love is violated.

Many of us may be content with the comfort of loving companionship, friendship and trust sculpted over time and shared life experience and how precious this is. Some may stay in unhappy pairings not seeing any other choices or feel lonely in our singledom. And some – not so many – but a growing and very significant group, are dedicated above all to the inner union. That is the deep experiential knowledge of the Divine through our own self. Evolutionary conscious relationship may be a significant vehicle for the growing of this inner marriage but, crucially, it will be in service to that. The knowing and union of Divine and form within cannot ever be for a self, an individual “alone”. For that is an individual that is based on a misunderstanding. Union – yoga – occurs through a one; through a differentiated form and expression of consciousness, thus flowing back into and evolving the origin. Relating consciously is an immensely potent catalyst.

We often fall “in love” with what we see, imagine or project onto another; the qualities we most desire or wish in ourselves. The cauldron of Love will inevitably bubble up the hidden pains, the shame, the abandoned places; all that longs to return to the embrace of wholeness. So if we are not here for this, for our own self, what we took to be love may turn even to hate, to resentment, hurt, disappointment. If what arises cannot be met, then the rejection of these places is placed onto another form.

Many of us are understandably caught in the pursuit of fulfilling our own personal desires. Few are courageous enough or awake enough to dedicate every form of relating to That which is. Nor is it the path for many.

An unending, unshakeable meeting is found fully only in awareness itself, in Divine Love. It can pour through forms of realized beings yet is not of, or belonging to, any one. Love is without end and as we taste this it is dizzying and terrifying to the small one who thought our human play was real.

Love shapes each one of us in our wide-eyed, crazy-making, colorful brilliance. It flows through our veins. It saturates the air we breathe. It is discovered and uncovered through every relating, whether with lover, friend, rock or tree. But the depth of the agonies and limitless realities that are illuminated through conscious intimate relationship are perhaps the richest pathway to an honest meeting of our self; a dying to our attachment to who we take ourselves to be and a falling into the One that never leaves, never turns away; that is love , everywhere. The One that is right here. Calling you.

Helen offers private sessions in Mount Shasta or through skype. Book here. Groups and events and other offerings can be accessed through subscribing on her siteand please feel welcome to connect through facebook.

Choice point

sky-3152726_1920

We are in the Dark Moon, midway in a truly epic gateway (15 – 17 March) and approaching Spring equinox, a time of great transformation; of coming into balance; of opening more than ever before to the Divine light which returns through the portal of the dark times.

The shift yesterday was very palpable, embracing us in new levels of Cosmic light. Today there is the opportunity to offer up that which no longer serves. We are called to deeper and deeper levels of mastery in meeting what is in or through our bodies and forms. It is a time of great collective release – just look at the passion and power of the young people leading the way on societal change and gun laws in USA .

It is also suggested this is the completion of a 6 year cycle into our wholeness. So you may be witnessing emotions, stories, pain physical, emotional or spiritual rolling through your inner landscape, much of it far more ancient than your life here on this planet.

We are so lovingly invited not to dampen down or push away anything. Nothing is unacceptable. Give every voice full space with full and unattached Presence. And bring the openness of our hearts to it all. Release any investment in blame or judgement of any other- including our own self. We feel what we feel.

And then …in the graciousness of Love and time and Presence we can truly choose truth, our deepest, purest truth. Choose wisely and release all the way. And each moment, all through our daily life, we breathe and drop into this again. Let our choice be as conscious as it can be, right now and setting the template for this now and for the coming half year cycle.
We get to choose. We get to create.
And best of all, we get to be together in this wild ride.

So much love.

Helen serves Love though one to one meetings, global gatherings; light activations and writing. Find out more on her site and connect on facebook.

Mother of all

httpceliwin.deviantart.com

celiwindevaintart.com

Divine Mother,

Mother of all form

Blessed be your expression through every mother on this planet. Every human being in form has been birthed from a mother, whether we have never known their form or however our relationship has unfolded.

May the infinite bonds of loving nurturing be healed and strengthened in the heart and cells of every Being. May both mother and father come in to wholeness in loving nurturing protection.

I offer infinite gratitude to my mother in this life, I honour your strength, sacrifices, love and kindness;
to each of my five children who are my greatest, fiercest teachers; to the biological mother of my Ethiopian daughter – I bow to you and thank you for the honour of being guardian of this soul ~ our Hearts are One;
to the mother who helped caretake my oldest daughter since she was six years old, an angel who chose to serve by taking a form that requires lifelong care;
to my grandmothers and their grandmothers, the generations upon generations of wisdom keepers, I bow.

I am feeling all the Sisters who inspire me; whom I love; who change the world and beyond; whom I have held close and those I have never met in the flesh but who reside deep in my heart. Whether you see these words or not, we feel each other.
 
I think of all the women whose daily lives are a struggle in grinding poverty, feeding and caring for children, holding families and communities together under the most testing of circumstances. I feel the young warrioresses roaring against the machine, eyes unwavering from truth. I feel the grandmothers steeped in wisdom sitting on the earth listening and singing their prayers. I feel the mountains and stars and oceans dancing with us.
Mothers, daughters, sisters, lovers. Goddesses, maidens, crones. We all chose to be part of this spectacular exploration here on planet earth.
 
To all the brave, beautiful, fierce and tender women that hold and create Life – in our wombs, through our hands and our hearts, I bow to you. We are interwoven across and through everything.
Love everyone, anyway, as much as possible. Love wholly, completely and fearlessly, in the sweet short precious moments we are privileged to share with one another. 
This is what Life is, what permeates everything, whether we believe we are alone or have beloveds we can pull close and caress. This is the fire and air that fills us.
Be bold and tender; fierce and utterly vulnerable; be You; shakti soaked, earth shaking; deep, dark and blinding light; unafraid of our vastness. Celebrating Her presence in us all.

Creating new paradigms around mothering is at the heart of my soul’s mission. As this touches every being on this planet, it is a path that demands all and that brings forth the most ancient patterns.

Each day – not just “Mother’s Day”, may we pause in our breath, in our hearts, inviting the full expression of the Divine Feminine to move through our beings and into Gaia, her grids of light and beyond. May She do so in balance and union with the all encompassing Loving Presence of Divine Father.

And so it is.
And so it shall be.

 

Helen offers herself in service to Life through one to one meetings, group gatherings, global events and activations. Connect at facebook or her site.

The new balance – Accountability, Communication and The True Voice of the Feminine

 

 

1-namaste-robby-donaghey

Robby Donaghey – Namaste

 

 

There has been a swelling tide of unheard voices the past five months, now echoing across this blue planet. Women have spoken out, perhaps as never before in the his/her/story of humanity, against the socially acceptable and cultivated epidemic of diminishing and defining females through the abuse and distortion of sexual energy and power.#metoo. Men too have spoken who have also been victims of the misuse of sexual power, whether by either gender.

In some arenas, brave men have come forward and owned their transgressions, from subtle misjudgements to devastating actions.  I have also read women fiercely taking responsibility for their part in misusing sexual and emotional energy in relationships. This is not the space to dive deeply into this, other than to note that, in the circles I connect with globally, I have witnessed the conversation evolving to one of honouring the power of this voice and transparency and then moving to the next step – TOGETHER – of how male can support female; how the Sacredness of sexuality can be reclaimed by all beings, whatever gender or sexual orientation; how each sex can forgive the other, and her/himself. And most key of all, how the distortions inherent within each expression of Source – as predominantly “feminine” or “masculine”- beyond personal stories – can be more fully revealed, met in compassion and love and alchemised.

This wave has a mighty wake, moving through the entire collective, not only those in conscious reflection but the vast majority who are not. The key themes are

Accountability and Communication

leading to the third – Speaking up –

the voice of the True Feminine, clear, strong Loving, liberated and evolved to be the transmission of the Feminine Divine Herself.

I am not describing victim energy nor one of blame – not in its purest motivation and how I have experienced its rising. It is a very, very long suppressed expression from deep and vulnerable places and, in the courageousness and purity of this, is a genuine invitation for accountability. Note,  accountability does NOT have any trace of blame, shame or judgement. It is CLEAR, CLEAN and authentic. It is fully honest. This last point can be generally missed.

If we hold invitation and space for another being to be truly accountable, we are neither seeking to apportion blame on them; to hold onto anger, resentment or other emotions. Accountability is deep liberation for each party. The one owning their words or actions has the opportunity to integrate shadow aspects, to find compassion, forgiveness and greater love for one’s own self. The recipient may find it easier to rest in acceptance and possibly, in their own time then find their way too to forgiveness, compassion and some form of peace. These principles apply whether we are talking about a minor disagreement or horrific abuse. The scale of the suffering is the primary difference.

Accountability supports freer communication. I often see the flow of the infinity symbol (figure eight) in relation to so many aspects of Life. As so for communication, expressing and receiving, with natural pauses for integration and inner reflection. Meeting in the centre, the zero point. S.T.O.P. – Stop, think, observe, pause. ( Deepak Chopra).

And so, as we go deeper into this field, beyond blame; through the personal; through the gateway of embracing pain more wholly than before; through even more expansive Love, we engage in a “new” conversation with the Cosmos itself; a new sense of relationship that (perhaps) we are tentatively touching on. Re-membering wholeness.

This is the time for BALANCE of male and female energies. Our next evolutionary step as a species – or at least one of them – is founded on Divine Union – healing the split between the masculine and feminine.

“The true “twin flame” is a climactic turning point in Creation, a turning on the heel, a re-direction home. A liberation from bondage. A wild and surreal, ancient song that heals the entire Universe, right in the place that it’s heart was broken, so it could speak again.

Together, we can hold the earth and sky, and as guardians and ancient seeds we will fulfill the promise we made at the beginning of the world, and go home together, unified with the whole of Divine Creation with Love.” – Alison Nappi

Divine Union creates the pathway for the next upgrade in consciousness itself through this embodied quest. We can only do this in form. Here and now. And in relationship. And – given that aeons of wounding and distortion are releasing for transmutation – it is a path that demands every molecule of devotion in the most grounded ways. It requires great clear-sightedness if we are not to get blinded by the sea of unconscious patterning that is thrown, up nor find ourselves unwittingly replaying them.

“We want close relationship more than anything, and simultaneously we want nothing to do with it. The archaic fears of abandonment and engulfment circle in the psyche of the personal and the collective.” – Matt Licata

It requires a willingness to open the heart again and again in the face of the energy of betrayal, abandonment and separation that lay in the beginnings of this path. Not the very beginning, the point where this wound came to be.

My deep inner knowing is that it was before Lemuria and Mu. Before Yeshua and Magdalene – yet these times and Beings have been some of the points in space and time where some of this work has been done.  It was – most likely – at the first breath of differentiation into form and has been carried into and explored through every cycle of the evolution of consciousness. Aeons of work that have been preparing for what is now possible.

There have been many Sacred partnerships on Earth and elsewhere across time and space. Yet it is my sense-knowing that it is only in this now that the male-female aspects of Divinity can whole and evolve. We cannot know the numerous Cosmic factors why this is so,  yet the human experiment is at an unprecedented point where this has the potential for success.

The Christ essence is returning to Earth. Not as a man but in the Sacred spark within each being. And the Divine Feminine Christ is anchoring, heart by heart. She is Here. The two are of course not separate but two emanations of the One and in their embodiment, Divine Union has, now, the chalice to come forth.

Drop all illusions that Divine Union is any fairy tale love story.  Rather, it will cleave us to our core, shatter us into innumerable shards and rebuild us from the very stuff of Life itself. New and yet unknown. Never before birthed in form. We are the carriers, the forerunners that can lead the flowing wave; the charge of light upturning the citadels, burning the false Gods, courageously diving into the fire and darkness and thrusting the new earth through the Cosmic yoni into the luminous adoration of Ma. We are the Ones we have been waiting for.

Blessed be on our courageous hearts.

To be continued….

Helen serves the Infinite however called. She holds one to one consultations globally, in person or Skype. A programme of 2018 gatherings is in formation. Please connect via her site (currently being replaced) for further information, book a session or to sign up for occasional email updates. You are also welcome to connect on facebook.

Grace and Desire

 

Joma Sipe - LUMINE STELLARUM 2015 light of the stars

Artist – Joma Sipe

There is a dance at the heart of every awakening Being. Of the eternal longing to KNOW and BE the fullness of our absolute Divinity – in form. And the fear and aching grief of the countless times we have felt that we have fallen short of the immeasurable.

As I ponder deeply into this well once more with Beloved souls, I witness the voice within that still – and always – speaks to being not enough. The hallmark of ego – not good enough; there is always something or some place that is better. Something to strive for (and therefore some failing in that there is always a place to reach for).

I have hugely more compassion and love for this expression of self that needs to be heard. I understand her somewhat more, her voice so very familiar. Indeed the voice that led and shaped my life for the first decades. I am again and again practising calling her and all her pain into the unconditional embrace of Love. Perhaps this will be a lifelong embrace.

And as I slow and breathe bigger, She is Here. She who has no name, no identity. Indeed no voice as Her voice is all voices. She is the stars. She is the blackness that absorbs everything. She is the magnitude of the Earth, Her soft, moist fecundity merging with any sense of this body.

Longing and longed for re-member into what Is, always.

Helen is honoured to serve through one to one consultations in person and globally. A programme of events for 2018 is currently germinating. You can sign up for occasional mailings and find out more about her work at her site, also about to be reconstructed.  Or connect on facebook.