Image Lauren Kirstin
A favourite family memory is of how the toy pram I loved to push around contained not a doll but books. Since I was a young girl I knew that I was on earth to write a (at least one) book. Fascinating that only at this stage in my life is that first book to come to physical form. This absolute knowing of this call was prior to any sense of conscious awakening to the greater wonder of life and a path in service to the Divine.
The avenue of writing is a door that has been patiently held open for me since childhood, awaiting as much of me that I choose to bring through it. And other key gateways have one after another come into view – or I have found myself stepping through.
I spent many hours as a girl in my own company, quiet and thoughtful and unsure of this place I found myself in. Often reading and writing or being in nature. I was actually being deeply prepared energetically and vibrationally, but this did not come to my knowing until decades later. Church left me bored and deadened and my only calling to anything “spiritual” were daydreams about being a nun like my beloved aunt with whom I always had a close connection.
I was little in my body actually and certainly took upon myself beliefs that I was not athletic, strong, vigorous or courageous in my physicality. I remained largely in my consciousness and elsewhere, dancing dimensions, awash at a physical level in the vibrations of the conditioning of family and culture which felt so “alien” to my essence as a Cosmic being. Born under Leo I also carried a deep shyness as well as wild passion and courage and a strong call to lead.
My blogs are always inspired by my journey and my most intimate experiences and learnings. For several years I have been travelling internationally as guided, offering events, retreats and gatherings. My work is entirely guided by Spirit and my highest aspects so it is very intuitive and unstructured. It asks that I show up one hundred per cent, aligned, present and in trust – with each being who has felt a call to co create and show up. In this alignment there is – as much as possible – no “personal”, only trust and surrender to the Divine. But of course I am human and egoic as well as Divine – as are we all – so we are present and relating to consciousness through the degree to which in any moment we are in these filters and the degree to which we are capable of aligning with highest level of pure consciousness, One mind, One heart. If that is our choice.
After a huge nine month journey of creation, expansion, loving, letting go, moving, resting and retreating, my focus since the September Equinox gateway, which I experienced in Giza, Egypt, through the dark womb of winter and onwards, is deeply on inner work and letting all notions around forms of expression dissolve. My attention is particularly with healing core wounds between the masculine and feminine which reside unresolved in my being, and in the collective consciousness. This is a critical key in the next stage of both my personal growth and wholeness and service, as well as a service to Sacred union manifesting and being accessible to all on earth. Whilst I have been deeply committed and actively working with all aspects of my self for twenty years, my being is now insistent on a deep, deep dive and the fuller embodiment that is possible.
An essential approach in this shadow work is fully turning towards that which shows up – and loving it in wholeness as the Divine speaking to the Divine. At the heart of this for my soul, the core wounds relate to those between the masculine and feminine and the energies that have been distorted in endeavours to control and stifle sexuality in the collective.
It has been brought to my awareness that, due to the astrological alignments at my birth, part of my role is to manifest the most private, personal and sensitive parts of my soul publicly, in the world. Not an easy calling for any of us. I place great value on authenticity and integrity in all my work. And in honesty. This does not come without a price.
In earth incarnations , I have lineages in the Isis and Magdalene mystery schools; as a Priestess of the Moon; in the highest temples of Atlantis and, very close to my heart resonance, in Lemuria. This is relevant in that, through these experiences, amongst others, I have deep cellular knowledge and memories of many things (we all do) and part of those skills, teachings and gifts are in sacred sexuality as a pathway to the Divine.
In the deeper and freer engagement with my fullness in form, it is my realization now that – with whatever openings, deepening and expansions I have been involved in personally over a number of years, and in my sharing through my writing, I have not expressed “this aspect” of me publicly through my work and writing. My deep, alive Sacred sexuality.
I fully appreciate that many of us don’t discuss our sexual selves openly. The oppressive weight of conditioning when it comes to sexuality is deadening. Raised a Catholic in the west of Scotland, I can assure you that tantric practices and sexual bliss were not anywhere to be found on the curriculum. (Think martyrdom, repression and sex only in marriage and for the sole purpose of baby making!) And as a young woman who was pregnant and unmarried at age seventeen, I again tasted these ancient distortions and projections first hand. I was also struck by the level of hypocrisy and repressiveness around sexuality in America in the time I spent there last year. Scotland is not particularly liberal but seems somewhat more honest and real in relation to our bodies and the earthiness and reality of our sexual selves.
Just as our relationship with the Divine is deeply intimate yet utterly Universal, our sexuality is a deliciously unique expression of this relationship – and of our relationship with being in this life and form. But as spirituality has been attempted to be strangled and controlled through most orthodox religion, so has sexuality been dragged behind closed doors, repressed, hidden and painted with fragrances of shame to keep it deeply buried and “private”.
Particularly for women today, to reclaim our bodies, energy and power as Sacred sexual beings also means facing and healing the many generations of pain we have experienced – from rape, torture and death to emotional and mental abuse. Whether as temple priestesses or young woman of the village; as wife, daughter, mother and lover. Beloved Sisters I bow to you for your depth of courage in loving so fiercely, so tenderly; in accepting this call to heal now. And Beloved Brothers I honour you also for your massive bravery, in opening to unknown and uncharted ways; for slowly but surely creating spaces of safety for the healing of your Beloved ones and for yourselves. As Claire Zammit articulated perfectly in her discussion of “Feminine Power” “together we have the power to participate in creating the future of relationships and the highest level of intimate relationship possible in history.” That is a truly huge and inspiring consideration.
In my own opening of deep inner doors, I am compelled to open this door, here, “publicly”. To declare my willingness to bring all parts of this one to expression. In opening this door to sharing more of such an integral part of my essence and humanity, it is a gift to my own wholeness and in this, it is my prayer that these reflections may – if it is to be – gently nudge open a door welcoming our greater realization.
If it’s not for you, perfect. I can – as I often state – only write that which I am called and guided to (whether the “I” likes it or not). Displaying vulnerability too is a massive gift – to ourselves and to all. It speaks of a foundational trust in the benevolence of Life itself IF we are moved to show this vulnerability without egoic agenda and simply in naked truth. (No pun intended). We carry out this journey as only each of us can, directed by our souls, whether we listen and align or not. But we do it together as expressions of the one force that is all. Love.
And one of the richest and most potent gifts and purposes of choosing to incarnate in human form is to have a body that can channel, move and share life force. That can create and give birth to biological life itself. That can create bliss, union and transformations of consciousness through the conscious application of sexual energy. We can touch. We feel the tingle of warm skin alive to our caress. The pungent aromas of sweat, the salty taste of tears. We can move body and soul through the enlivening and directing of shakti and sexual energy.
As the Feminine reclaims her voice and her power, she also reclaims her body and sexuality. And she does it in partnership with the masculine. As he is invited to reconnect to his vulnerability, to his emotional core; to his true sensual and sexual nature and to the softness in his strength, together we can explore the worlds of joy, depth, healing, power and transformation available through being Spirit in very human form. Each one of us – whatever gender, whatever sexual preferences, has this invitation and capacity first and above all with our own self, our own energies and body. Then to further this growth as can only be done in direct, embodied intimacy with other beings. Sexual, emotional, mental and physical beings, blessed with all the gifts, challenges and sensuous experiences of having this particular form.
So with all my years of cutting through and shaking off these binds, of breathing more deeply, moving more freely – I am stepping through another door. My voice may just echo that vibration within you, as within many sisters at this time who are bursting into far deeper, freer expression. And with the brothers who are so empty from the meaningless ideas of sexual conquest and performance and the lack of authentic models of emotional balance and maturity, awakening to spiritually fulfilling sexual intimacy as an expression of all that we are.
The limitless love of the returning feminine requires a deeply safe container and this is the Divine masculine presence which each of us – whatever gender – is called to cultivate. The feminine in turns brings the deepest love and nurturing to the strength and force of the masculine aspects, receiving him fully, with compassion bathing any bruisedness, softening rigidity and opening his Sacred heartspace.
The only way I can move into and through my present work is through this healing and harmonizing taking place through my beloved body and in direct, authentic and intimate relationship – with myself and others. To the degree that each one of us as souls-in-body increases our capacity to be and express Divine Love in wholeness, we bless our world with that joyous alignment and vibrational increase in consciousness.
I invite us to lean in to a deeper intimacy and to get naked together.
I love you.
Helen is a love and light worker, energy healer and writer serving consciousness. She offers worldwide events, retreats and one to one sessions as well as her writings. If you are interested in knowing more, or in details of the 2016 programme as available please see her site, fb or sign up for an occasional newsletter.