Tag Archives: growth

Freeing the coils of judgement

early morning sun at Ascension Rock, Mount Shasta

It is a deep journey to not make one’s own self wrong for experiencing the energy we call judgement. For then we simply loop into the never ending cycle of identification. Judging ourself for judging, or whatever else may be showing up – anger, despair, sorrow. With the movement to BE with the happening, deeper than simply witnessing or observing, there is a full Presence meeting of the arising. Not flinching from the full tasting of its colors. Yet, vitally, not following any thread of story. What if we simply are here for this movement, all the way, in all its discomfort? What if its nothing about any other, but about a piece of Source coming home?

Judgement – whether of another or oneself – is the same inner trap we can fall endlessly spiralling into, when we mistakenly identify with what is arising. Making a being wrong for whatever traits or blind spots show in unconsciousness, or that might be illuminated in the journey to wholeness, is such a strong programming of the egoic self. The goal – to keep us separate and small, identified.

It has been a core area of learning in this one for decades, since first facing the devastating impact of this energy relentlessly directed at all aspects of the self by the mind and ego. It was the primary aspect that came to awareness when health broke down completely. Internal judgement and the fruitless striving for some level of perfect were the starkest pointers to the inner disconnect. Through many, many waves of healing, self forgiveness and acceptance, a foundation of love has taken deeper and deeper hold. And this theme still arises, where the Self is not integrated AND because it is very alive in the collective. We are deeply programmed to feed separation through judging – better/worse; more/less; good/bad.

This aspect is a trademark of the ego. Once more, we are reminded that this is not “personal”. It will be felt intimately in the personal layers, but this topic is being heard alive amongst very evolved beings, and notably in womens’ conversations. It could be hypothesised that this is a trait more evident in the feminine shadow but that is a huge exploration in itself for another time. Its’ balance is boundless compassion and, vitally, the realisation that its arising does not mean anything about our true nature. That is, not to judge the judgement; not to identify with the identification.

Many on an awakening path of enquiry have taken on a belief that we cannot actually “be spiritual” if we are experiencing judgements, thoughts or feelings of anger and other emotions which have been marginalised and value laden as “negative”! What if the holy fire of anger is just that – a wave of Cosmic power tearing through our core, burning, releasing, freeing? Judgement can be an outplay of where we are still mistaken on who we are. Where there is still identification as a somebody, separate from another somebody. The unpurified ego seeks a false sense of comfort in “better than” or “worse than”. Its precisely the same energy that is founded in separate self.

When this response shows, there may potentially be things to clear or express with another being that are valuable in our own anchoring and growth . And it is healthy to discern where the other is even available for this exploration. But our first and last work is meeting the judgement inside and being scrupulously clear about where we are moving and speaking from. Can we stay without beating oneself up about it? Not judging the judgement; but recognising it as a strong thread that moves through for reuniting. We can further learn to be vigilant for the leaning into making the other wrong in even the subtlest ways, in implying that a difficulty is about them. It is always, always, about what is ready to come home through the vehicle of this consciousness, this essence, this soul.

So if we feel another is not in their heart, and it bothers us, let us turn inward. Where am I not in my heart? Where is there fear or judgement about this belief? Is there a pull to more ways to self diminish and loathe, cloaked in spiritual concepts? Is there a movement to make anything mean something about the innate nature of myself or another? Where there is still a charge, there is inner work to be done. To be present to the ripple or the crashing wave. To listen, look, breathe. Not know anything other than this now, right here in the eye of the storm.

As we resist following the impulse to complain or play victim, we deliver ourself more into authentic and full responsibility for our choices and life. We say a Greater yes to the perfection of the design. Where another has not behaved in an honoring way, it calls us to stand in our truth, to value what we are and move from our most authentic Self, whether or not this is reflected externally. When we feel resentful about not being valued, how are we valuing ourself? How do we speak up for what matters? Hold boundaries? Value our own energy? Victim patterning has run deep in the wounded feminine and will rise again and again until She is clear and anchored in Her magnificence and in uwavering accountability for Her choices, movements and silences. Her voice is called forth but it the voice of the sword of Truth, as well as the Heart of Love, so it must be purified, clear.

Where we feel marginalised, how are we diminishing ourself? There is a very old and familiar thread of being “the outsider”, excluded from the tribe and another version of the”less than” motif of ego. It can also be a vulnerable expression of one of the core challenges of being a starseed in a human body. Many of us are achingly familiar with this particular pain of feeling so different, so out of place in a human world that has largely forgotten what we are as Cosmic beings. In meeting this ache, we can be brought again, by Love, to step up and out, more than ever, certainly in new ways, integrating and embracing all that it is to be a multi dimensional being in a body on earth.

This piece is huge, as many are stepping up and being seen in whole new ways, inevitably meeting our edges, where the little one equally wishes to hide in invisibility. What we are cannot be swayed by another’s praise or criticism; open arms or cold shoulder. The egoic self and heart may tremble momentarily, or longer, but the Self lands deeper in just Being. If we can accept another in their character “flaws” and blindness and still know them as Divine, then we are brought more profoundly to this same meeting in and of our own self. And perhaps this is the greatest calling – with all of what we are in these human body-minds; exactly as we are right now, we are God in form. We are re learning what is real and true through every aspect of living these lives. Nothing is separate. Nothing is unwelcome.

Go well Beloveds.

Helen works one on one as an embodied awakening guide and intuitive multi dimensional healer and co creates in events in Mount Shasta,throughout California and internationally. She is also a meditation, healing and yoga teacher, writer, and tribe mother, with a poet’s heart and evolutionary’s soul – amongst other things! You are so welcome to explore and find out more on her site, and facebook . Keep Being You.


Harvest Ode



There is a “new” way that is the most ancient way of all.

There is a call that began as an echo, a pull, a murmur

that now is a storm, gathering force and momentum

as it moves across the seas, as does my body

like an approaching hurricane,

yet welcomed, welcomed, in my trembling.


The approaching storm that threatens to scoop me up,

break me into thousands of indistinguishable pieces

and spit me out again , onto the waiting, breathing soil.


The leaves of autumn may blow and whirl around the remnants

burying some in damp soils, some in shadowy hollows,

creating new shapes and sculptural forms

that in the next breeze will be gone.


For nothing can be held.

Nothing can withstand this storm.

Let all disintegrate in Love.

Every. Last. Piece.


Especially those wants that “I” like

That give me joy





Oh yes, She rasps in my ear, in my belly

louder now, undeniable

Give it all to me

give it all to me.


Get yourself down

lower than low,

writhing in the dirt, the damp

smelling the moist fecundity with no knowledge of what may show its face in the next spring blooming.


Again and again the seeds are nourished and germinated.

The gardener offers His patience, his Presence his ever careful tending

And Life takes care of the rest.



Copyright Helen Quail    4.11.15

Helen can be contacted through her website or facebook for individual consultations and group gatherings globally.

The Dark Mother calls


Federica Poleti - Holy Ghost“To be Truly Born as the Dark Mother requires us to enter into the depths of our being as pure Love (beyond identification).

As we Truly Enter and Penetrate ourselves to the bottom, we meet the very ground of pain, which rests at the core of our Being – first as human, but in the dissolve of the body-identification ultimately as consciousness itself…..

It is the True End of Wanting, as we Fall in Love with the Dark Mother and come to truly rest our human bodies on the face of this Earth in the alignment between our recognition as Source itself – as God having penetrated Earth to come to Truly Rest as Him in Her” edited excerpt – Aisha Salem

As the last leaves soak into the soil of late autumn, Kali is calling, the Dark Mother, the Dark destroyer. A love that shies from nothing. No shadow. No shame.

A point from which there is no turning away. No place to hide.

There is only Her embrace where death and rebirth beckon.

I say “yes”.

A deeper Love of fierce and relentless passion. A fire that holds all colours, oceans of tears, the howls to the moon,  the wild dances, the light more brilliant than any galaxy. The places that have never been opened, deep, deep in the shadows.

This one gives all to Her.

To nourish my deepening and inner journey, I am not intending to offer public gatherings through winter 2015/16. I will still be available for one to one work globally via skype.

Contact Helen via her site.

slow it down

Not waiting…Being

art seaIf you will not honour me
I must honour myself.
But what a gift!
for this is a choice
I must always make for my soul

Not waiting for any other form
to open their heart
acknowledge the love that they are
or stand in truth,

I must be my own mirror
my own guard
my own protector
my own lover.

And in this I meet
in wholeness
as one

© Helen Howie November 2014

Meet me on facebook, in my groups and light transmissions or my website. Or just in the Heart.

Heart of Love

be like a roseIt is in the Heart of Love that we meet Truth.

It is in the gentle unfolding of petals we come to the heart of the rose.

It is in the rising of the sun that light is shone

and the glowing of the moon

that enlightens the shadows

of darkness.


There is no separation

Between what “she” feels and what “you” feel,

between what “he” feels,

For she is you.

You are she

He is you.

He is she.


Face Truth fearlessly, from the Heart of Love,

always from the Heart of Love.

This is the way that enlightens all pathways and all confusion,

returns us Home.

As One.


© Helen Quail      Glastonbury Oct 2014

Helen supports the way of the Heart and Light across the planet and beyond. Connect with Helen on her website or facebook


Love is Infinite

Love is infinite. Love is kind, yet it is also ruthless. Its mercy lies in its’ flowing from the Divine Sacred Heart which holds the wisdom of the all.

In today’s cultures there is a great predilection to glamourize one way of being over another; one path; one key; one size fits all. Yet we are all absolutely unique expressions of Divinity, forming and reforming across time in an endless exploring of Oneness and expansion. And so there can be no “one size fits all”. There can however be one Universal guide and that – beloveds – is the Sacred Heart.

The journey – if there is one – is in purification of both heart and mind – so that this deep still voice can be heard both with clarity and without distortion. It is so easy for the human mind to sabotage and distort anything that it encounters, until it has been through the layers of purification. The fires of Truth. And even then my loves, there is always vigilance.

Whose voice is this that speaks? Soul or mind?

And so we guide you to a practice of becoming. Through the body and through the Sacred Heart.

Take your breath to the centre of your being.

Take your Presence to the centre of your vast heart chamber.

In this place you find an endless opening of space. Of luminous Presence. White light perhaps – or you may encounter it in another form.

In the centre you see an intricately decorated throne. Place yourself upon this regal throne. Observe this Being, your Higher Self. Notice what you look like. How are you are clothed? What are your movements like? Vividly engage your senses. Are there intoxicating fragrances? It there silence of any vibration of sound? A low hum or other notes?

As you sit, merge with the frequency of this sanctified chamber.

Dissolve into this space. Do not just witness it, or feel it. Dissolve into, become it, be it, Merge utterly with the infinite chamber of the heart.

Know yourself dear one.

Just be in this space for as long as you like. Be open to the deepest truths arising through the Sacred Heart.

And when it feels time to bring this gently to a close. Be aware of yourself AS this.

Carry this cellular recognition, this Divine quality into each of your movements and encounters in your day.

Breathe deeply. Love is Infinite.

With love  Helen x

Where the heart is, that is where the Temple and its’ treasures are – Yeshua

Helen contributes to the anchoring and expansion of Light through groups, individual consultations and global transmissions as well as her words. Connect through her website or facebook. ❤

i am the light



Discernment and Love

In the journey through this life we will move and weave through many roles, many suits of clothing that we will try on. Some we will keep for most or all of our life – mother, daughter, sister. Others more fleeting.

All of them are but veils. Attachments in which we invest our energy, our need to feel safe, loved, known.

But what is our identity?

Who are we?

Who are you?

In this life, at this time, I express my soul, my divine essence – through sharing energy healing, teaching and practices. Anchoring light. Life has flowed a very strong movement in the last year into the beginnings of some of  the larger scale energy  work I am here to do. I am so blessed, profoundly honoured and expansively grateful to connect with hundreds of souls around the word in regular remote healing events. And there is much more that is to come. Seeds at this time. And my heart sings with honouring my path more.

Yet with this I notice a development that caused me a little discomfort, or more correctly, signals more opportunity for vigilance and self exploration. I do not want to have any “label” – teacher – healer – lightworker – “spiritual”. I do not want to be placed on a pedestal, however slightly. Anyone who sees light in “this one” is but experiencing a reflection. I am most certainly human! I encounter the challenges of managing ego and embodiment on a daily basis in a busy life. I do many things I don’t feel good about. I could always be kinder, softer, more patient, more tolerant and so on.  So I hold the space for me to be all that I am. All that I am “not”. It is all ok. Changing, evolving, unknowable. As I try to hold for all others.

This brings me again to the key aspect of discernment. This was a very strong teaching through the first months of this year especially for me personally and is a key lesson for many or us on a journey of expanding consciousness. A series of correspondence with a spiritual teacher who makes very particular claims as to their identity and significance shook me deeply by the mismatch between what I was meeting and what I “expected”. In time, I gained clarity, stood back and saw all the aspects of ego I was being so clearly shown.

I accepted these also as a mirror of course and practised gratitude for the teachings. By being so challenged by the discrepancies between someone supposedly so evolved and others’ faith in this person, I came to a further deepening of my understanding of the essential importance of trusting and exercising my own discernment, my own experience and truth – no matter what others say or claim; no matter how much status, significance or light someone supposedly carries. And the source of this is the Heart.

It is so very easy for us to project our own light (as well as our shadow) onto others. To seek and see in them those qualities we look for within.

Turn your gaze inwards. Ever inwards. Of course there is a valuable place for guides, teachers and mentors who will walk with us literally or metaphorically even if just for a step or two, or for lifetimes. But every teacher, every being we encounter, is simply guiding us back and down into the depths of our Infinite Heart. This is your guide, your one truth. And our learning is to move deeper and deeper into it, letting the confusion of the mind dissolve, soften, move aside. Aligning with what our heart is showing us, often through our body, no matter what “mind” may be yelling. Developing our skill to centre deeply in the intuitive Heart, to know its resonance and in discerning what is authentic and what has been hijacked and distorted by the mind, quicker than a flash..


A few days ago a graphic photo was shared on social media of two young Indian women, hanged by the men who gang raped them. The person who shared the photo – a respected spiritual teacher – spoke of his desire to inflict comparable physical suffering on the men who did this.

I was deeply affected by the image and the horror of what has happened, what happens across the planet every day. I carried the collective grief in my body for days. It is fact. Cannot be denied nor should it be. If humanity is to evolve, every such act calls to be faced with courage. It is understandable to feel anger, grief and a myriad of deep emotional responses. But the response of this male teacher also unsettled me for I recognised in it the same vibrations that caused such suffering. Yes we need to be in the world. To courageously face light and the depths of shadow and what humanity is capable of. But what do we do with this seeing and knowing? How are we with this energy? Do we direct it into hatred and retribution – simply continuing the cycle of ignorance and suffering that created such a tragedy? Consciously or unconsciously with our thoughts. Or do we acknowledge and actively transmute our probably reactive response into love; into compassion and the energy for positive evolution. We can be utterly authentic and grounded, feeling what is arising, allowing it and transmuting all into light, rather than perpetuating the flow of such damaging patterns. Expressing not sending.

My serving – like many at this time – centrally involves healing and reclaiming the divine feminine. On a grounded, embodied level, that means addressing the murder of these two women – and the many, many more who are daily raped, abused, tortured or killed. But also very much addressing the patterns in consciousness that created this. Make no mistake – those men – all men carry equal suffering from these appalling acts. The masculine and the feminine are both further wounded. I feel ancient and deep sorrow for this, I grieve for all. And I flow the energy of intention to transmute the profound misunderstandings and ignorance that perpetuates the pain.

We are all required to continually raise our understanding beyond the blindness of conditioning. To challenge any beliefs we attach to. For the sake of all humanity.

I pray that all beings awaken to their true nature, as the divine in human form and as a species we return to Oneness. For this, we practice daily seeing everything and everyone in its Divine essence now. We are Love – and behind every thought, every action, every face is Love. Our task is to see it – in others, no matter how “lost” “they” may seem, and most of all in our own selves, in our confusion, our shadow, our longing, our beauty. For we are no different. No better, no worse. We are all Love. Made from and returning to…

Helen works with healing, consciousness and light through consultations, workshops and collective events. More information on her website and facebook pages.