It is a deep journey to not make one’s own self wrong for experiencing the energy we call judgement. For then we simply loop into the never ending cycle of identification. Judging ourself for judging, or whatever else may be showing up – anger, despair, sorrow. With the movement to BE with the happening, deeper than simply witnessing or observing, there is a full Presence meeting of the arising. Not flinching from the full tasting of its colors. Yet, vitally, not following any thread of story. What if we simply are here for this movement, all the way, in all its discomfort? What if its nothing about any other, but about a piece of Source coming home?
Judgement – whether of another or oneself – is the same inner trap we can fall endlessly spiralling into, when we mistakenly identify with what is arising. Making a being wrong for whatever traits or blind spots show in unconsciousness, or that might be illuminated in the journey to wholeness, is such a strong programming of the egoic self. The goal – to keep us separate and small, identified.
It has been a core area of learning in this one for decades, since first facing the devastating impact of this energy relentlessly directed at all aspects of the self by the mind and ego. It was the primary aspect that came to awareness when health broke down completely. Internal judgement and the fruitless striving for some level of perfect were the starkest pointers to the inner disconnect. Through many, many waves of healing, self forgiveness and acceptance, a foundation of love has taken deeper and deeper hold. And this theme still arises, where the Self is not integrated AND because it is very alive in the collective. We are deeply programmed to feed separation through judging – better/worse; more/less; good/bad.
This aspect is a trademark of the ego. Once more, we are reminded that this is not “personal”. It will be felt intimately in the personal layers, but this topic is being heard alive amongst very evolved beings, and notably in womens’ conversations. It could be hypothesised that this is a trait more evident in the feminine shadow but that is a huge exploration in itself for another time. Its’ balance is boundless compassion and, vitally, the realisation that its arising does not mean anything about our true nature. That is, not to judge the judgement; not to identify with the identification.
Many on an awakening path of enquiry have taken on a belief that we cannot actually “be spiritual” if we are experiencing judgements, thoughts or feelings of anger and other emotions which have been marginalised and value laden as “negative”! What if the holy fire of anger is just that – a wave of Cosmic power tearing through our core, burning, releasing, freeing? Judgement can be an outplay of where we are still mistaken on who we are. Where there is still identification as a somebody, separate from another somebody. The unpurified ego seeks a false sense of comfort in “better than” or “worse than”. Its precisely the same energy that is founded in separate self.
When this response shows, there may potentially be things to clear or express with another being that are valuable in our own anchoring and growth . And it is healthy to discern where the other is even available for this exploration. But our first and last work is meeting the judgement inside and being scrupulously clear about where we are moving and speaking from. Can we stay without beating oneself up about it? Not judging the judgement; but recognising it as a strong thread that moves through for reuniting. We can further learn to be vigilant for the leaning into making the other wrong in even the subtlest ways, in implying that a difficulty is about them. It is always, always, about what is ready to come home through the vehicle of this consciousness, this essence, this soul.
So if we feel another is not in their heart, and it bothers us, let us turn inward. Where am I not in my heart? Where is there fear or judgement about this belief? Is there a pull to more ways to self diminish and loathe, cloaked in spiritual concepts? Is there a movement to make anything mean something about the innate nature of myself or another? Where there is still a charge, there is inner work to be done. To be present to the ripple or the crashing wave. To listen, look, breathe. Not know anything other than this now, right here in the eye of the storm.
As we resist following the impulse to complain or play victim, we deliver ourself more into authentic and full responsibility for our choices and life. We say a Greater yes to the perfection of the design. Where another has not behaved in an honoring way, it calls us to stand in our truth, to value what we are and move from our most authentic Self, whether or not this is reflected externally. When we feel resentful about not being valued, how are we valuing ourself? How do we speak up for what matters? Hold boundaries? Value our own energy? Victim patterning has run deep in the wounded feminine and will rise again and again until She is clear and anchored in Her magnificence and in uwavering accountability for Her choices, movements and silences. Her voice is called forth but it the voice of the sword of Truth, as well as the Heart of Love, so it must be purified, clear.
Where we feel marginalised, how are we diminishing ourself? There is a very old and familiar thread of being “the outsider”, excluded from the tribe and another version of the”less than” motif of ego. It can also be a vulnerable expression of one of the core challenges of being a starseed in a human body. Many of us are achingly familiar with this particular pain of feeling so different, so out of place in a human world that has largely forgotten what we are as Cosmic beings. In meeting this ache, we can be brought again, by Love, to step up and out, more than ever, certainly in new ways, integrating and embracing all that it is to be a multi dimensional being in a body on earth.
This piece is huge, as many are stepping up and being seen in whole new ways, inevitably meeting our edges, where the little one equally wishes to hide in invisibility. What we are cannot be swayed by another’s praise or criticism; open arms or cold shoulder. The egoic self and heart may tremble momentarily, or longer, but the Self lands deeper in just Being. If we can accept another in their character “flaws” and blindness and still know them as Divine, then we are brought more profoundly to this same meeting in and of our own self. And perhaps this is the greatest calling – with all of what we are in these human body-minds; exactly as we are right now, we are God in form. We are re learning what is real and true through every aspect of living these lives. Nothing is separate. Nothing is unwelcome.
Go well Beloveds.
Helen works one on one as an embodied awakening guide and intuitive multi dimensional healer and co creates in events in Mount Shasta,throughout California and internationally. She is also a meditation, healing and yoga teacher, writer, and tribe mother, with a poet’s heart and evolutionary’s soul – amongst other things! You are so welcome to explore and find out more on her site, and facebook . Keep Being You.