Love cannot know itself without the gaze of another, so it birthed Universes and exploded suns.
It dappled stars in the blackness and cried oceans.
It sighed and breathed and sound was born.
The dance is infinite.
This we are.Helen Quail
This Mercury retrograde in Leo and Cancer has proved to be a real gem in readjusting how we present our inner Selves to the outside world. Sure it has also brought tech breakdowns and challenges (!) but most signficantly, the experience of this ride has been how it supports overcoming the fear of expressing our true feeling and desires and ending compromise and playing small. Through this there are tangible frequencies and templates of freedom and birth coming online in the last week or so. In these weeks, there has been a stepping out in whole new levels, with deeper alignment with authentic essence .
I was the girl who would hide at school, panicking at being asked to read aloud – to be heard, to be seen. What self esteem I had was based on two things – being very bright and academically successful and being told I was pretty (which I didn’t believe).
In the late twenties, devastating illness decimated those intellectual skills and and health and strength. I could not walk and often relied on the care from my new husband. This was the biggest gateway in my soul awakening and this journey has woven and cycled over the past twenty years. Early on, there was a seeing and knowing with deep clarity of visions of the “future self”, standing before a large hall of people, listening to my words. Six years ago, a step in that vision manifested when I stood before one hundred and fifty people leading a group meditation and healing.
Yet the pull of the egoic self – to stay small, to hide – continues. After several years stepping back from external work, the lifelong patterns of diminishment still arise. So the invitation to be a speaker on a conscious telesummit became one where I had two choices – to follow fear or to dare greatly – in the words of Brene Brown. The key is WHO is choosing. What aspect of our Being are we following? Was my soul quaking? Fearing the worst? No – so the choice becomes clearer. There was a deeper place present, not leaving, not abandoning. And this was what was chosen. No matter what.
So STAYING with what arises – not making any of it wrong, not getting entangled in the stories; not identifying with it; just letting it be met, loved and present – there is a natural, inevitable return to wholeness and peace. Calm, acceptance and joy at following what is true. And after the event, what a celebration! Of LIFE. Choosing to be alive; to live as Love and dissolve another layer of the self limiting programming.
Over this same period, I had my first professional photos taken in the most delightful way with the extraordinary Eyoalha Baker as the sun rose in the magical forest near Mount Shasta. You can see one above and on my site. And what a joyous and natural experience it was to play and dance with the light energies and beings.
The inner voices do not disappear, may never do, as long as this One is in a body-mind, but the journey is of understanding who is speaking. Listening, loving and bringing all home. This is a choice we truly make each moment. Each time we meet another’s gaze. Each word that comes.
My prayer is that we learn to listen, more than ever, to the quiet, to the bottomless. This is where the dance is, the movement, the stillness; the joy and the grief. I see you in your doubts, your trembling, your aloneness and self loathing. And I see you in your absolute magnificence, your infinite compassion and vast Love. They are not separate. It truly is in the BEING HERE for the really uncomfortable arisings that more light can land.
I love you in this. I know You.
Helen loves to meet in the Truth of who we are, opening to the highest movement and energies to support our wholeness, embodiment and evolution. This can be one to one, in groups, retreats or online circles. Find out more and you are welcome to connect on social media.