Tag Archives: love

Birth day eve reflections

When I feel back into moments of this life
– as a sensitive, quiet five year old;
a rebellious fifteen year old;
as a single mother at eighteen;
severely ill at thirty;
and so many more….,
deeper places of tender compassion arise for the beauty of a Cosmic soul feeling lost in this world and what it appeared to be.

There was always an inner vibrating that knew, that knew, somewhere. A light that could not extinguish. But for many years it was not possible to even begin the infinite reconciliation of what it is to be a limitless Being of the Cosmos inhabiting bones, blood and skin.


Even as the journey of wholeness and  awakening moved along it was many years before the descent could begin. For the ground to be here. 


And in this, we are brought to everything. There is no where to go. Every place in our own system and psyche and to all the peaks and pools of human consciousness.


For so many of us, it has been so much easier to stay in other realms. With lifetimes of wisdom, and capacities that are vastly outwith what exists on this planet at this time it can seem incomprehensible that what we are can fully come in here. And thrive.
And some can’t.


Yet, for those who stay, we said yes.
We said yes Beloveds. So we come all the way. We are in this Mastery school , this gorgeous playground to come fully into this play as consciousness, as Divine Love, as Source.


We teach what we need to learn and so this core of embodiment has come more and more into the center of my work, and my joy to serve.  As I guide and support Beings to come home in our multi dimensionality, right here , I come more and more home to my own soul song.


We are embodied light, meeting every wave, every movement, every tear, every breath.
So as I enter the celebration of this life, of being born, I honor each of us in the dance that has no end, nor no endpoint. We weave, expand, forget, remember, grow, love and live. As notes in one Cosmic song that echoes throughout eternity.


I love you.


Thank you from my heart for being here.
ūüíó

Helen assists in our embodiment as multi dimensional beings through sessions, energy healing, embodied light events and retreats. She currently lives in Mount Shasta, Northern California. Connect on her site or facebook.

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To know One Self as Divine Love

Love cannot know itself without the gaze of another, so it birthed Universes and exploded suns. 

It dappled stars in the blackness and cried oceans.

It sighed and breathed and sound was born. 

The dance is infinite.

This we are. 

Helen Quail
photography by Eyoalha Baker

This Mercury retrograde in Leo and Cancer has proved to be a real gem in readjusting how we present our inner Selves to the outside world. Sure it has also brought tech breakdowns and challenges (!) but most signficantly, the experience of this ride has been how it supports overcoming the fear of expressing our true feeling and desires and ending compromise and playing small. Through this there are tangible frequencies and templates of freedom and birth coming online in the last week or so. In these weeks, there has been a stepping out in whole new levels, with deeper alignment with authentic essence .

I was the girl who would hide at school, panicking at being asked to read aloud – to be heard, to be seen. What self esteem I had was based on two things – being very bright and academically successful and being told I was pretty (which I didn’t believe).

In the late twenties, devastating illness decimated those intellectual skills and and health and strength. I could not walk and often relied on the care from my new husband. This was the biggest gateway in my soul awakening and this journey has woven and cycled over the past twenty years. Early on, there was a seeing and knowing with deep clarity of visions of the “future self”, standing before a large hall of people, listening to my words. Six years ago, a step in that vision manifested when I stood before one hundred and fifty people leading a group meditation and healing.

Yet the pull of the egoic self – to stay small, to hide – continues. After several years stepping back from external work, the lifelong patterns of diminishment still arise. So the invitation to be a speaker on a conscious telesummit became one where I had two choices – to follow fear or to dare greatly – in the words of Brene Brown. The key is WHO is choosing. What aspect of our Being are we following? Was my soul quaking? Fearing the worst? No – so the choice becomes clearer. There was a deeper place present, not leaving, not abandoning. And this was what was chosen. No matter what.

So STAYING with what arises – not making any of it wrong, not getting entangled in the stories; not identifying with it; just letting it be met, loved and present – there is a natural, inevitable return to wholeness and peace. Calm, acceptance and joy at following what is true. And after the event, what a celebration! Of LIFE. Choosing to be alive; to live as Love and dissolve another layer of the self limiting programming.

Over this same period, I had my first professional photos taken in the most delightful way with the extraordinary Eyoalha Baker as the sun rose in the magical forest near Mount Shasta. You can see one above and on my site. And what a joyous and natural experience it was to play and dance with the light energies and beings.

The inner voices do not disappear, may never do, as long as this One is in a body-mind, but the journey is of understanding who is speaking. Listening, loving and bringing all home. This is a choice we truly make each moment. Each time we meet another’s gaze. Each word that comes.

My prayer is that we learn to listen, more than ever, to the quiet, to the bottomless. This is where the dance is, the movement, the stillness; the joy and the grief. I see you in your doubts, your trembling, your aloneness and self loathing. And I see you in your absolute magnificence, your infinite compassion and vast Love. They are not separate. It truly is in the BEING HERE for the really uncomfortable arisings that more light can land.

I love you in this. I know You.

Helen loves to meet in the Truth of who we are, opening to the highest movement and energies to support our wholeness, embodiment and evolution. This can be one to one, in groups, retreats or online circles. Find out more and you are welcome to connect on social media.

A world of Love

every day is a day of love

This is a day when the vast majority of humans on this planet are, if but momentarily, thinking about love, primarily through the filter of romantic and intimate relationship. Some will revel in the affection with a partner; others lament our apparent aloneness. Let us compassionately but firmly blow through the seduction of what we have been sold in various packages, as a species. The Love and meeting we seek can truly only be located in our love affair with the Mystery, the Divine, the unnameable. The encounters we have as humans can open us further; heal and expand our shaking hearts. They can of course also close them down for a time, when the precious tenderness of our light and love is violated.

Many of us may be content with the comfort of loving companionship, friendship and trust sculpted over time and shared life experience and how precious this is. Some may stay in unhappy pairings not seeing any other choices or feel lonely in our singledom. And some – not so many – but a growing and very significant group, are dedicated above all to the inner union. That is the deep experiential knowledge of the Divine through our own self. Evolutionary conscious relationship may be a significant vehicle for the growing of this inner marriage but, crucially, it will be in service to that. The knowing and union of Divine and form within cannot ever be for a self, an individual “alone”. For that is an individual that is based on a misunderstanding. Union – yoga – occurs through a one; through a differentiated form and expression of consciousness, thus flowing back into and evolving the origin. Relating consciously is an immensely potent catalyst.

We often fall “in love” with what we see, imagine or project onto another; the qualities we most desire or wish in ourselves. The cauldron of Love will inevitably bubble up the hidden pains, the shame, the abandoned places; all that longs to return to the embrace of wholeness. So if we are not here for this, for our own self, what we took to be love may turn even to hate, to resentment, hurt, disappointment. If what arises cannot be met, then the rejection of these places is placed onto another form.

Many of us are understandably caught in the pursuit of fulfilling our own personal desires. Few are courageous enough or awake enough to dedicate every form of relating to That which is. Nor is it the path for many.

An unending, unshakeable meeting is found fully only in awareness itself, in Divine Love. It can pour through forms of realized beings yet is not of, or belonging to, any one. Love is without end and as we taste this it is dizzying and terrifying to the small one who thought our human play was real.

Love shapes each one of us in our wide-eyed, crazy-making, colorful brilliance. It flows through our veins. It saturates the air we breathe. It is discovered and uncovered through every relating, whether with lover, friend, rock or tree. But the depth of the agonies and limitless realities that are illuminated through conscious intimate relationship are perhaps the richest pathway to an honest meeting of our self; a dying to our attachment to who we take ourselves to be and a falling into the One that never leaves, never turns away; that is love , everywhere. The One that is right here. Calling you.

Helen offers private sessions in Mount Shasta or through skype. Book here. Groups and events and other offerings can be accessed through subscribing on her siteand please feel welcome to connect through facebook.

Circles of transition

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Life has had me intensely in Her grip in past weeks. As for many of us, it seems. Huge transitions have been in play in all levels of my world, much of which remain quiet, integrating within.  And I have come to realise that this is equally the intensity that is moving in the collective as polarities in consciousness actually are pulled together to explode into what is true.

It has been a time of the circle. Completions and beginnings both interweave and overlay; one and the same. Timelines merge. The layers opening in recent times across so many levels have called for every bit of my energy and sometimes more.  On the third day of landing in California, dissolution happened in a vivid way. What seemed almost insanely intense, I slowly came to sense was not only (or even) personal. Of course, I had been under immense stress and pressure Рrelocating my family five thousand miles and much more Рbut I came to hear and feel of soul family equally cracking, weeping, dissolving, immobilised with exhaustion with striking power.  In this, I am grateful for the reminding that we are ever and always droplets in a moving, breathing, shifting ocean, each both drop and ocean, which brings some gentle comfort to the burning soul and aching body.

I find the invitation ever more vivid to be fully present to exactly what is Рthe raging; the holy fire; the inability to summon energy to function; the fury, despair, tenderness, quaking vulnerability, and always, always pulsing silently or loudly, РLove. Now I am beginning to drop tendrils into the Californian soil, to exhale, to soften into this more deeply. I feel my soul dropping deeper into my physicality, many aspects of my Self aligning. The threads that weave the invisible sanctuary in which Being can thrive are mysterious and many.

In these past days, the moon rose in her fullness over Mount Shasta. In Capricorn, she heralds a time of decision making; decisions that bring us closer to who we are and anchor our essence in the material plane in how we live and act. I have also very much been feeling the feminine flow of gentleness and softness, amplified by the Sacred mountain, even in her unrelenting transformative potency. The Mother sings her embrace of Sacred cadence simultaneously as we are lifted to make real life-directing decisions and to act upon them. The balance of the masculine and feminine feels more rooted in life than ever before.

I am but a “newcomer” in this life to living in the embrace of the mountain, with aeons of learning to rediscover and forge anew. In this apprenticing, I observe in one day the movements between softest Grace and fierce fire. Opening up all the way to exactly what is showing up here and now, however discomfiting, opens us – parts of us we know well – to devastation.¬†What feels like devastation can open in a breath. And what remains? What is beneath and around; caressing, whispering and wrapping its unyielding arms around all? The more fully one can BE right here, – without restriction, without the cloud of story, – the torrent of the Cosmos can wash away more stones, more dust, more veils of attachment to identity or belief.

What is left, is Life itself, without interpretation and the film of understanding.  Indescribable, indefinable beauty.  Direct. Alive. Without limit.

Dying and being reborn we are. Infinitely.

Helen offers one to one sessions globally. Explore more and book at www.helenquail.com or facebook. The next cycle of events will come to fruition and be posted on her site in due course.

 

 

Love’s call

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Let no one tell you who you are.
Let every wind, tree and bird show your deepest, vastest nature
beneath all the layers of skin,
hardened over years of pulling away from the inexorable vortex within;
the mirage of mirrors of clothing
and hats
and too-quick words
that lean us away from Love’s freefall,
into echoing despair.

Where is the pulse of your belly?
The ocean of your chest?
the Cosmos of your Sacred heart?
Oh let us free it all into wildness, together.

Let go into the infinite that has no definition,

only the tears of your cracking chest
the breath of your soul
that will pulse forever
like a beacon,
and a torch
calling always to truth.

 

Explore with Helen on her site or facebook

naked

baby

We move through life accumulating layers of clothing and weight; of personality; social identity; memories and past experiences that we hold as shaping who we are. In the surrender to awakening, we die to who we thought we were. This death occurs again and again; even as we see the grasp loosen, as we feel the spaciousness of True Self dancing through and around us as we move in the world, there are many, many deaths to come. We are actually returning to the nakedness with which we entered, wide-eyed, naked, non-identified. ( I wonder, how much of parental perception infiltrates the placenta? What is the interaction between the consciousness of the embryonic baby and the mother for instance? Fascinating to enquire)

Yet we become naked, stripped of defence mechanisms, behavioural¬†patterns in which to hide; self-esteem built on achievement¬†or status. There is the realisation that no-one is here. No “one”, only That.¬†There are levels of witnessing that move more and more subtly to the Absolute perceiving itSelf.

In preparing for a first public event after an absence of two and a half years, it was fascinating to watch the patterns of the egoic self-doubt and worthlessness arise. Regardless of what had gone before, the mind desperately attempts to diminish. Awareness was held that this was necessary¬†and welcome releasing, yet this did not make any of it less intense. And as it came closer and the commitment¬†to showing up did not lessen, relief came in the joke of realizing (again) that there is no-one to show up; no-one to “do” anything”. There is only form, offering itself as a vehicle for the Divine; fulfilling some part of its calling. So nothing to identify with; not be attached to an outcome or even the experience. It is to say yes to the call and surrender utterly to Divine intelligence as to how that moves; what that looks, feels and tastes like.

The invitation is to be naked. No agenda. No investment. What it is essential is to be pure in our intention and heart. Then, whether things apparently go well or awry is actually meaningless. Each one of us that shows up serves the greater intelligence. There is full surrender.

In the vulnerability of being totally naked,  the only thing to fall back on and into is the Goddess, Life, Source. What joy and relief to let go, to surrender even more to Her. And in the joyousness and playfulness, All come, All is Here. We are indeed newborn, creating Universes with our breath, galaxies with our heart beat. Awakening occurs through each differentiated essence-in-form and through our unified intentions. Together we remember, we strip away, we love each other home in our hearts.

Come play and explore together. Helen is facilitating gatherings in the UK and USA and offers individual session work globally. Explore her site and facebook for more info and to subscribe for occasional updates.

love note

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Just know that you are not alone.

Whatever you are feeling, however seemingly dense and impenetrable; if you are exhausted; emotional; feeling lost; wrestling in challenging body symptoms. The distortions up for releasing in the collective are epic.. Along with our own personal blueprints for soul growth and evolution…

We bleed, we cry, we get bone weary. And we get back up again.

None of it is personal.

Breathe deep into the space that is always here. The Love that infuses every aching corner, even in the darkest shadows.

Allow it all and believe nothing.

This is what we came for.

Reach out to Helen through her site or facebook.  She holds healing and transformational space with groups and individuals globally.