Tag Archives: one

Freeing the coils of judgement

early morning sun at Ascension Rock, Mount Shasta

It is a deep journey to not make one’s own self wrong for experiencing the energy we call judgement. For then we simply loop into the never ending cycle of identification. Judging ourself for judging, or whatever else may be showing up – anger, despair, sorrow. With the movement to BE with the happening, deeper than simply witnessing or observing, there is a full Presence meeting of the arising. Not flinching from the full tasting of its colors. Yet, vitally, not following any thread of story. What if we simply are here for this movement, all the way, in all its discomfort? What if its nothing about any other, but about a piece of Source coming home?

Judgement – whether of another or oneself – is the same inner trap we can fall endlessly spiralling into, when we mistakenly identify with what is arising. Making a being wrong for whatever traits or blind spots show in unconsciousness, or that might be illuminated in the journey to wholeness, is such a strong programming of the egoic self. The goal – to keep us separate and small, identified.

It has been a core area of learning in this one for decades, since first facing the devastating impact of this energy relentlessly directed at all aspects of the self by the mind and ego. It was the primary aspect that came to awareness when health broke down completely. Internal judgement and the fruitless striving for some level of perfect were the starkest pointers to the inner disconnect. Through many, many waves of healing, self forgiveness and acceptance, a foundation of love has taken deeper and deeper hold. And this theme still arises, where the Self is not integrated AND because it is very alive in the collective. We are deeply programmed to feed separation through judging – better/worse; more/less; good/bad.

This aspect is a trademark of the ego. Once more, we are reminded that this is not “personal”. It will be felt intimately in the personal layers, but this topic is being heard alive amongst very evolved beings, and notably in womens’ conversations. It could be hypothesised that this is a trait more evident in the feminine shadow but that is a huge exploration in itself for another time. Its’ balance is boundless compassion and, vitally, the realisation that its arising does not mean anything about our true nature. That is, not to judge the judgement; not to identify with the identification.

Many on an awakening path of enquiry have taken on a belief that we cannot actually “be spiritual” if we are experiencing judgements, thoughts or feelings of anger and other emotions which have been marginalised and value laden as “negative”! What if the holy fire of anger is just that – a wave of Cosmic power tearing through our core, burning, releasing, freeing? Judgement can be an outplay of where we are still mistaken on who we are. Where there is still identification as a somebody, separate from another somebody. The unpurified ego seeks a false sense of comfort in “better than” or “worse than”. Its precisely the same energy that is founded in separate self.

When this response shows, there may potentially be things to clear or express with another being that are valuable in our own anchoring and growth . And it is healthy to discern where the other is even available for this exploration. But our first and last work is meeting the judgement inside and being scrupulously clear about where we are moving and speaking from. Can we stay without beating oneself up about it? Not judging the judgement; but recognising it as a strong thread that moves through for reuniting. We can further learn to be vigilant for the leaning into making the other wrong in even the subtlest ways, in implying that a difficulty is about them. It is always, always, about what is ready to come home through the vehicle of this consciousness, this essence, this soul.

So if we feel another is not in their heart, and it bothers us, let us turn inward. Where am I not in my heart? Where is there fear or judgement about this belief? Is there a pull to more ways to self diminish and loathe, cloaked in spiritual concepts? Is there a movement to make anything mean something about the innate nature of myself or another? Where there is still a charge, there is inner work to be done. To be present to the ripple or the crashing wave. To listen, look, breathe. Not know anything other than this now, right here in the eye of the storm.

As we resist following the impulse to complain or play victim, we deliver ourself more into authentic and full responsibility for our choices and life. We say a Greater yes to the perfection of the design. Where another has not behaved in an honoring way, it calls us to stand in our truth, to value what we are and move from our most authentic Self, whether or not this is reflected externally. When we feel resentful about not being valued, how are we valuing ourself? How do we speak up for what matters? Hold boundaries? Value our own energy? Victim patterning has run deep in the wounded feminine and will rise again and again until She is clear and anchored in Her magnificence and in uwavering accountability for Her choices, movements and silences. Her voice is called forth but it the voice of the sword of Truth, as well as the Heart of Love, so it must be purified, clear.

Where we feel marginalised, how are we diminishing ourself? There is a very old and familiar thread of being “the outsider”, excluded from the tribe and another version of the”less than” motif of ego. It can also be a vulnerable expression of one of the core challenges of being a starseed in a human body. Many of us are achingly familiar with this particular pain of feeling so different, so out of place in a human world that has largely forgotten what we are as Cosmic beings. In meeting this ache, we can be brought again, by Love, to step up and out, more than ever, certainly in new ways, integrating and embracing all that it is to be a multi dimensional being in a body on earth.

This piece is huge, as many are stepping up and being seen in whole new ways, inevitably meeting our edges, where the little one equally wishes to hide in invisibility. What we are cannot be swayed by another’s praise or criticism; open arms or cold shoulder. The egoic self and heart may tremble momentarily, or longer, but the Self lands deeper in just Being. If we can accept another in their character “flaws” and blindness and still know them as Divine, then we are brought more profoundly to this same meeting in and of our own self. And perhaps this is the greatest calling – with all of what we are in these human body-minds; exactly as we are right now, we are God in form. We are re learning what is real and true through every aspect of living these lives. Nothing is separate. Nothing is unwelcome.

Go well Beloveds.

Helen works one on one as an embodied awakening guide and intuitive multi dimensional healer and co creates in events in Mount Shasta,throughout California and internationally. She is also a meditation, healing and yoga teacher, writer, and tribe mother, with a poet’s heart and evolutionary’s soul – amongst other things! You are so welcome to explore and find out more on her site, and facebook . Keep Being You.


Embracing He and She as One

We are familiar with them but often blinded or, even more so, numbed, by the familiarity and pervasive social support for these constructs of control. The patriarchal patterns, anchored in money and power via the material realm and so woven into the structures of society have been used over the “feminine” and culturally embedded for many, many lifetimes as a tool of control and separation. The good news is that they are so “up” for being held and met, in and as full awareness in these times of times. The external struggles simply reflect the inner fragmentation. My system feels the toxicity of this whole illusion in the belly, heart and throat as it comes closer and deeper into the home of Love.

Shadow not brought to the light of consciousness activates and perpetuates more shadow. The feminine shadow includes ungrounded emotionality and manipulation of feeling and sexuality. Here, she can falsely seek her own control and expression and he retreats, feeling unsafe. Or, very often, she is silenced in the weight of his wielding this abuse of power. Her voice is yet again attempted to be removed. She is denied.

In this disconnect, He is in vast pain from the fragmentation from his own Presence into life with all its challenges. Empty of purpose, he grasps to external forms to fill the void. Inwardly there is the ache of longing for what she holds as the dance with creation. She feels the rage and despair of countless lifetimes of being silenced and suppressed and the bottomless grief of “him” not being there for “her”. She is cut off from He. Voice is not founded in Presence. Presence has no fully embodied form to move and create and express. There is no ground of Being for life to fully dance.

The true masculine is pure endless awareness, with its’ essential nature as peace, stillness, joy. The true feminine is love, creation, movement, shakti, sexuality. Both are within – within every one of us – male or female in form. The balance and the integration in each being vary tremendously. Yet, form and formless are constantly seeking the “other”; the merging back into wholeness that was never lost, just veiled by the belief in who we thought we are; fed by the blood of endless wounds and drowned out by the whirling of the over-stimulated mind.

What deep, deep energies these patterns carry in our collective and how the heart swells in compassion for each of us when we get caught in this “hell”. To the extent that we identify with these plays, we suffer so deeply. When we fall into seeking control – in any way – and certainly through external, unreal constructs of money and ownership, we have lost touch with our Self. We are anchored wholly in the false “I” that is separate. She cannot open and be met. He cannot access the limitless dancing of the Cosmos through Her.

The fragmentation between these expressions of One within every being – whatever gender – is our fundamental disconnect from true nature. The apparent hell of the separate worlds of victim and oppressor; of the abandoned child; of the alone heart – all can be recognized in the ocean of That which is. The integration calls for nothing other than the meeting with full Presence to every movement of creation and form; feeling, thought, body, circumstance. Every play through form is drenched in limitless awareness. There is no separation.

Helen works individually with people from around the planet, as a guide, healer, teacher – facilitating inquiry and embodiment into our true, multi dimensional unlimited nature. Book here or sign up for occasional updates on events, groups, online programmes and her writings. Feel welcome to connect on Facebook.

Returning to Life


rain dance

In luminous words

I think of you.

Your love rains

like the palest grace.


Fondly , tenderly

kissing these pores

like rain on

the parched desert.


Sweetly, gently

the cells swell

returning to fulsomeness

and One.


And in this becoming

there is only

the returning

to Life.

© Helen Quail 2016

Explore Helen’s offerings on her site where you are invited to sign up for occasional mailings. Please do connect through facebook.  Helen assists with the evolution of consciousness through consultations, gatherings, light transmissions and writing.


Fasting – One experience

embodied feminineI am drawn to share with you my recent experience of fasting which has been revelatory on many levels and deeply positive. Of course these are uniquely personal but perhaps will resonate and assist in some way. I was touched and amazed at the synchronicity as I decided to fast, of many soul family also doing so and the circle we hold for one another is ever present.

I had the idea to fast perhaps for a day, then maybe three prior to my forthcoming travels, but it became obvious in one moment that I was to go into fast in in alignment with the last full moon and also synching in with the fast of soul family also. They were fasting for seven days, which they had done previously just a few weeks ago. I believed this to be most likely way beyond something I would attempt. All perfectly orchestrated of course, so I had no time to pre-plan or think in depth, but simply flowed. I had witnessed a lessened appetite for a long time. Paradoxically I found I tended to overeat at times as I was not eating in alignment with natural hunger.

In my early twenties I had – like many young women – a period of issues with food and weight control – so I am cautious about how I move with any food “regime”, wary of control or prescriptive practices that only serve to dissociate from the rhythms of my body and Being. So my intent was very much to listen, to watch and to do what truly felt aligned for my Being in this now. The purpose was very much to prepare my physical vessel to hold higher light and new templates for the forthcoming light work and journey to US/Hawaii which I know is hugely significant.

And how fascinating and nurturing it was. Moment to moment.

I entered with no set “agenda” of time. I had three days shown to me but previously I had only fasted once for 36 hours so I aimed to have no expectations and truly align with my body and Being. My first fast was done in very supportive circumstances, on retreat, in silence, able to rest and flow as required On that fast I felt very weak, extremely slowed down and quite shaky. Nevertheless I could feel how good it was for all of me and felt motivated to fast on a weekly basis but was deterred at the reality of combining with family life and cooking for four children daily.

I found this a completely different experience and much easier than might be expected.One that my body truly embraced. Also that I went much deeper. The first day especially was very interesting in watching the mental patterns and habitual impulses to just reach out and put something in my mouth.  And the impulse towards food felt very light and superficial actually. I observed and experienced hunger – which was not acute – seeing how it comes and goes. I witnessed the programming and conditioning more clearly than ever. And the layers of emotional patterns interwoven with food. I felt good, bright and really energised. Not cold or shaky. I experienced very little in the way of physical detox nor hunger discomfort.

In my first fast I thought a lot about food and what I would eat! This time not so at all. Another releasing of attachments. I saw that my body welcomed the fast. I needed to eat much less than I might have believed.

From the day before full moon I had a three day period of intense emotional releasing. It was very educational to watch this when not eating – and the impulses to self comfort and soothe through food. Being asked to be with the emptiness and the pain fully.

And also observing what it is to remove “food” from one’s day…how much is structured around it and the empty space that comes in when it is not there.

For three days I had water and herbal teas only. And what appreciation grows for such simple pleasures, and the exquisiteness of cool fresh water. I found the second two nights I experienced great vibration through my body and didn’t sleep well. Extremely lucid dreams. And on night three strong womb clearing.

On waking Day 3 and 4 I was shaky and hot. The waves of heat surprised me as I tend to coldness, especially when not eating much but clearly there was intense releasing. Day 3 I was guided to first of all have lemon juice and hot water and then I was fine. Day four I knew my body needed something more grounding. The shaking was more extreme and uncomfortable. And I had a few spells of feeling overcome. I knew the experience should not be an ordeal and to honour what my body was revealing.

I only needed literally a mouthful – an oatcake and nut butter – to feel well. Not hungry but re-integrating. I had a wonderful supportive massage and with this realized I had not been so in my body. Also that I needed to be still, quiet and inward and to eat another snack to ground in. In flowed sadness, very different from the earlier intense releases – both heavy and light at the same time, and very ancient. I watched and felt it quietly and the call to deeper self love and compassion.

A long spell of self healing led me to follow guidance to eat something again grounding in the evening. Not that I was even hungry but it felt nourishing to my body. And brought me more to Earth. I noticed very much that part of this sadness was the call to come into the physical density. Timeless, without end. And my resistance to this…

Deeper release came – of low, negative web patterns and rage…into pure joy and peace later through facilitating my light group.

I slept noticeably better and had no expectations as to whether I would continue having eaten something. In fact I just went with the flow and my body wanted little. Day 5 and 6 I had a small amount of fresh juice at some point in the afternoon when my body asked, then a small, nutritious meal later which tasted Divine and so nourishing.

I watched the thoughts that said I am forever changed in my relationship to food, then laughed as a jar of marshmallows in the kitchen cupboard almost immediately caught my attention, making me smile at how quickly the ego can attach onto any belief.

The energetic, emotional and spiritual processes over these days were most fascinating for me. When the body was quiet, meditation was indeed effortless. The first day especially I wanted only to be looking inward, deeper and deeper. The inflows of energies were huge throughout and I was more acutely aware of the vibratory resonance throughout my cells and light body. I truly experienced myself more completely as light and vibration. I am so grateful for the circle that came together with soul family and connected daily for three days supporting our initiations, further light activations and unique yet wholly inter-connected journeys.

Most wonderful of all were the Himalayan salt baths which I had most days. I moved out of the hologram and though dimensions, dissolving, traveling. Day four I awoke to visual phenomena. Not hallucinations as such, just shifting perceptions.

I felt into the space inside –not in my “belly” but in my whole Being. Saw how much “I” can try to fill the space, can be fearful of it. The void….that can feel like such sadness and emptiness but also unlimited pure Source field. And how this feels much more aligned and natural than the many ways I – and many of us can disassociate, numb out and attempt to “fill” ourselves.

Kundalini activations linked into burning and constriction in the spine which continues after the fast. Yoga as always helps. Though my energy was great, I feel more strength now too having taken in some food.

I am being guided already to do another fast soon. With more of a focus on physical clearing. That this was a “warm up”… 😉 Our guides are so smart. I would have been amazed to think I could have done what I did so relatively easily. I also feel much more aligned to eating truly with my own flow. I didn’t have the luxury of clear and free space to support the flow of my Being which would be ideal yet still I was amazed to watch how it unfolded, how easy it was in many ways and how supported I felt.

At this point I feel – know – I am permanently changed. In terms of mental programming and emotional responses, physical wellbeing and balance and most certainly in terms of my vibrational frequency and capacity to embody light. I have a deeper understanding of how to listen to what my Being actually requires and to pay attention to what is story or fear based programming.

At the core for me requires to be the feminine path, of listening, softness, flow. Not pushing and also watching closely the subtle ways ego can come in and the many ways the mental programmes can attempt to divert and hold us. Whilst at the same time holding great strength and focus. So I will listen, feel and honour as best as I can, ever deeper. Loving this Being. Loving the opportunity to be in a body on this wonderful planet. Loving the circles of Life that hold us all infinitely as we weave and dance.


Connect with Helen on her website or facebook




Honour of Self

bow of graceMy words are always somewhat of a “thinking out loud” the simple reflections and expressions of my heart as I am in this moment. If they can be of assistance to any I am grateful.
I find myself using the verb “honour” again and again at the moment. As each soul encounter is an ever deeper invitation to know Self, my calling has been to a greater honouring of myself, to greater self Love. To be aware of and present to my own energy. To know myself as love. To be and do in ways that support my truest Being. No matter what.
And in recognizing where another form is not capable of this, the opportunity to stand in my own Being and respect and hold space for myself. Where another turns from presence, I look more carefully at my own capacity to hold presence.
Where another offers unconditional love without limit, I observe the part of me that is overwhelmed. I hold her gently, reassuring her that all is well.
When my heart does not validate any experience, I stop and listen. No matter the external experience, no matter the thought processes, what is my heart saying?
When I look at how the word honour– as a verb – is defined I find:
– To regard with great respect
– to fulfil (an obligation) or keep (an agreement)
How interesting….this points me directly back to the agreements I have made as and with my soul. And the degree to which I – living out this human life and experiences am fulfilling my soul’s contracts.
At this time my teaching – and it is fast and rich – is largely, intensely and wonderfully coming through the form of deep, instant and at times almost overwhelming soul reconnections. Each relating opens me more, shines light on those unseen and unhealed parts of me and, in this, invites me to come more and more into wholeness.
Through many tears as well as vast amounts of love, I have watched my experience move more and more to relating to Self. And when I experience the presence of an ”other” so very deeply, or appreciate a particular quality –such as strength or presence or joy – I move much more quickly into the knowing and experiencing of this AS me. Letting the projections fall and accepting that what I meet is me. And owning it as such.
I let drop all notions of relationship (as best I can) and align with relating – in the now moment – with my own presence and with the soul in communion with me as truly a mirror. The only relationship is that with Self as Divine. This dedication is deepened with every teaching, every heart ”break”, every piece of apparent confusion, with every meeting in love.
Flo Aveida Magdalena offers this description of the way of relating we are moving in to in the Aquarian age
“.. by claiming the self, you learn how to stay in a dedicated space of ritual with your own being. It means that everything you’re living makes sense because it honours everyone at the same time.
It honours you and it honours the other person. It frees them from responsibility to make you happy, to have sex with you, to marry you, to give you children, or to be in some way present for you – supporting you financially, emotionally or in any other way. It says. “I’m going to do all this for myself. I’m going to live this in a way that makes sense to me. Every moment from this time forward, my own honouring is my primary focus. If I honour my field in integrity. I live in a fullness that makes me awaken all the time to my own capacities and potentials.”
You are creating a reality so that the other person can respond to you from that set of circumstances.”
I return again and again to honour this Being, this expression of God, learning and growing and remembering each day that She is and has never been anything other than whole, perfect and Divine
The more deeply I see, know and honour my Being as whole, I meet and receive you as Divine. I thank you for your reflections, teachings and gifts. I meet you as pure love, without “need” or fear – in this moment.
I love you. For this is who we are.

Helen Quail               November 2014
Helen serves through light and love. Contact through facebook and her website

Not waiting…Being

art seaIf you will not honour me
I must honour myself.
But what a gift!
for this is a choice
I must always make for my soul

Not waiting for any other form
to open their heart
acknowledge the love that they are
or stand in truth,

I must be my own mirror
my own guard
my own protector
my own lover.

And in this I meet
in wholeness
as one

© Helen Howie November 2014

Meet me on facebook, in my groups and light transmissions or my website. Or just in the Heart.

Surrender to the Beloved

Being detached has nothing to do with not having.... it has to do with not holding -Swami Chetanananda

Being detached has nothing to do with not having…. it has to do with not holding -Swami Chetanananda

I am totally committed to honouring what Life/the Universe brings to me and asks of me, every moment to the very best I can. That is I “think” I am. So of course I fail and mess up but I keep surrendering. This is my surrender and dedication. My Life. I am willing to dive into the unknown – always – if it resonates in my soul.

This leads me to look at how I take care of my Self and my soul. How I honour my space. Holding my space, trusting my heart, honouring my integrity, not losing myself in any other, trust, surrender, owning my power.

To look deeply at my motivations for any action and the impulse to share.

Letting confusion be without getting pulled into it, off centre or closing down my Heart..

So I chose what is good for my soul. I (try to) stay back from all that doesn’t resonate or feel totally honouring but I listen to what draws me, exploring and I am willing to surrender to That

Always That

All is between me and the Divine. The key is clear listening.

The power of soul magnetizations in these times is breath-taking. This demonstrates again what blessed and accelerated times we are here on Planet Earth in.

I honour each and every experience I am given – and that of others – deeply – but am looking closely again and again at letting all fall away that relates to the “personal”.

I understand ideas of the monad division and each soul splitting in two. These can be valuable frameworks for navigating the intensity of these rides. I am not that interested in debating the truth of this, for it is something no one can be sure of. My learning all comes from the direct experience of heart and soul. And the heart cannot be found with the mind.

“I” am not a soul either. A spark of Divine essence manifests into being throughout time.

I am That. All playing through one spark meeting another spark and igniting the bonfire.

I feel deeply how my connection is with the Beloved which cannot go away. He/She is all around me, in me, of me. Every “other” is simply a vehicle to reconnect to That which Is. Every One can express this infinite Divine Love through their Being to the extent that they are able and the depths that we connect.

There is no other.

There is no I.

It is all already Here.

Yes I feel the massive resonances of soul connections and how they propel me into deep learning and explosive heart openings. But to believe in twin flames as “the” means to wholeness and ascension is – can be – just another “story”. That we need another to complete us. Any story keeps us in “I” and “you”

Away from  One.

As past life memories and experiences help us more fully anchor in all that we are and our multi-dimensional Self, they can also be a seductive minefield for the ego that simply attaches to a more attractive or impressive “spiritual” identity. Give up ALL stories even 5th, 6th, 7th dimensional ones.

Drop all identification with any “one”, any “other”.

Lover, soul mate, twin flame.

All attachment.

When souls are drawn together, when timelines open, it is because teachings are available. Keys are available.

These can only be accessed, received and embodied if both/all parties are willing to receive.

So it is not about committing to “relationship” or “other” but about saying yes to Life.

Again and again, every time She opens us, cracks us, throws us into confusion, puts us on our knees.


Dissolve into the vastness so great it terrifies us.

Into the Love we so long for and so fear. Dissolve.

Let go of clarity and knowing.

Surrender to the Great Mystery.

Let go. Let go.

Surrender to Life

Not to another.

There is no hiding place. No “stop point”. No solution.

So I rise up and play with the dance of Life.

Turning to pure relating. Dropping all forms of relationship again and again to simply meet each Being as they are, moment to moment.

All infinite, unique expressions of source.

All Love.

I play with the Dance of Life.

©  Helen Quail November 2014play with the dance of life

Helen plays with light and love to assist us all in expansion and remembering. Connect through consultations, groups, seminars, wring and global light transmissions via her website or facebook.