Tag Archives: Sacred

Falling into Love, I rise.

FB_IMG_1472852439400Falling into love, I rise.

Dropping  away the layers, I fall, cleansed, naked, revealed.

This love flows through me,

not “mine” to retain

nor “yours” to give,

but in our purification

and our dedication,


we are called to the crucible

And to BE the crucible,

Through our union.


A melding of alchemies

that sparks conceptions

and evolution .


There is a power that ripples across the Cosmos,

emanating from the belly of Mother

and the breath of Father.


In declaring a whole souled “Yes!” to the Divine Power,

Grace may reveal infinitely .

She fills my chest with countless galaxies; my eyes with brilliant stars.

My skin is enlivened with the dust of God, my blood richer with the fire of Love.

It is done. It is.


Helen serves consciousness. This appears through one to one consultations, global gatherings, light transmissions and writings. It would be a delight to connect through her site, where you can also sign up for very occasional mailings or on Facebook.



Willow Arlenea - BIrth of a Galaxy Astarte

Willow Arlenea – Birth of a Galaxy Astarte

For nine months, from early spring of last year, I wandered as a nomad in answer to a soul call that had been gestating through this lifetime. This involved letting go of everything “external” – home, financial security, and being with my children to serve in wider, deeper and more unknown ways around the planet. The call was first to North America for a month and from there knowing only that every step was absolutely directed by the Mystery, by the Goddess, I did not know where home would manifest, nor where I would rest. I was literally taken around the planet as part of the magic and weave of Life. Hawaii, Glastonbury, Bali, USA three times, Germany, Czech Republic, Netherlands and Italy.

A seed quietly grew and whispered persistently as I was called back to be again in my lands of birth – feeling only enough in my belly to know this was the essential next step. For my personal path, my service and the Divine Feminine energetics to be alchemised and grounded in Scotland and for my soul agreements with my daughter. Nine months after that journey began.

Today I am struck that it is – again – nine months later – and at the anniversary of my earth birth – that the home that so gracefully appeared within twenty four hours of setting my intent to return – was sold. And so the next cycle beckons. One of even deeper completion – of many circles – personal and practical, familial, ancestral.

Several sittings with soul family in recent weeks has focused again on the absolute wonder and awe at the intelligence and elegance of the Divine. The countless synchronicities and interconnections that prod us, manoeuvre us and awaken us to the vastly more magnificent Cosmic play.

In the smallest of happenings – from being spontaneously guided to take a different route thus enabling a whole re-shuffle of appointments that allows a friend to have the space to be supported in her deep distress – to the grandest, some of which I have written of previously. Neither is more or less Divine, more or less inspired by the kiss of the Beloved.

We are loved constantly, fiercely, tenderly and piercingly to peel off the layers of density and disguise; to lay aside the seeming seduction of the familiar and sleepwalking through our lifetimes.

More than four human births occur on this planet every second. Every second. Yet no matter how many billions of beings come to join this earth school, the miracle of birth can never be any less wondrous. Every entrance is a pushing through safety and comfort into an absolutely new world. With love and gratitude for the Mother who nurtures creation, the Divine takes exquisite expression in order to pursue a path of evolution that can only be wrought by and through the donning of unique form birthed.

And so for every birthing and re-birthing in our human experiences. Into new love. Dissolving of friendships. The transitioning of parents. Falling away of jobs, homes and structures – all dancing and evolving into something more aligned to following our greatness. We are held in the belly of Mother, nourished by her love and overseen by Divine Source. We may wriggle and squirm. We may cry. We may emerge with a blissful half smile. But we ARE born. We always were.

Helen serves through a range of vehicles as guided – energy healing, gatherings globally, individual consultations and her writing. She would love to be connected further if you feel a resonance.  Please explore her site. You can sign up for very occasional mailings or link on facebook.

On Trust

bodiesA wise and extraordinary  teacher of mine often says “trust no-one, not even yourself.” When I first heard this I was surprised – coming from such an evolved and heart based being. The wisdom and depth of this teaching goes on….” trust what you can KNOW – the earth beneath your feet, the stars in the sky, the sun, the moon.”

My path at this time very much calls me in to places of woundedness that have – even with decades of dedication to personal growth –  been largely concealed in shadow my entire life. These places especially concern the masculine expression and aspect of me/Source and nurturing a healthy balance between my feminine and masculine. I have been embracing this exploration for many months, committing to it deeply for a number of those, yet only now I find myself truly stepping in to the mouth of the cave.

(It is endlessly surprising and humbling to observe oneself called again and again to the same cycles that have been worked with for decades only to reveal whole “new” layers as one progresses on the path. And of course illuminates the foolishness and absolute arrogance of ever thinking we are remotely “done” on a particular topic. No matter how much inner work we have done, we must prepared to be humbled in any second by what is unleashed and revealed by the ruthless Grace of Life.)

And a big piece in this shadow work relates to trust. The countless ways that trust has been decimated as spirit in the form of a female incarnated on this planet. Commonly by the masculine. In working on freeing myself from generations of control and manipulation, fully standing in liberation and sovereignty, the circles expand through not only my ancestral line but all beings. Personally and collectively. I – and many of us – especially females – feel and carry it all, precisely so that it can be healed and transmuted. And we are each called to find balance in union within, healing , owning all that we are – whatever gender – in Sacred equanimity. And the call to trust is in our ultimate connection with Source, the One.

I believe we have moved way beyond the days of “blaming” and judging either men or women for our roles in this dance. Yet there is still the invitation for deep forgiveness and healing. For an expansion of love that can hold and transmute all – within and as expressed through “other”.

In my role as a transmitter for particular frequencies of the Divine feminine, this service can only be truly fulfilled through bringing these energies fully into and through form and in healing not only the wounded feminine carried and expressing through this form but also – essentially – the wounded masculine.

So that both parts can see, honour and embrace each other in wholeness.

So the play in this particular life in recent months has been for Life to bring forth several men for intense, intimate relationship – under the “mantle” of Sacred union. And they have served greatly to direct me to the shadow places calling for my love and awareness. In the role of the “Divine awake masculine”– consciously or unconsciously bringing forth the woundedness, the distortions, the shadows, the manipulation – BECAUSE – they are but a mirror to those places asking for attnetion and more than anything unconditional love within me and my relationship with the Divine masculine, with “God” , as well as masculine in form.

And they are also manifestations of an outplacing of my desire to meet the wholeness of the Divine masculine in me/other. No matter the seeming evidence of consciousness and awakening work, where I see a significant gap  between what is projected and the reality of where consciousness and ego are, then I must dig deeper. This is also of course centrally where I study closely where this may be relevant to my own self and  focus carefully in discerning what serves my growth.*

So whilst my aching hurt and grieving personality at least briefly wanted to cry – “Again!! He has let me down again. The masculine cannot be trusted” – I  come to a place of gratitude pretty immediately at the perfection. There are many rich teachings and important ones on naiveté and trust. On the sophistication and intelligence of the darkness. On the complexity of shadow and woundedness. On listening more astutely to the promptings of the intuition. And – essentially – having the courage to let go of what is not real nor in alignment….and….trust in that letting go again and again to the unknown- of what may have seemed to hold promise.

Everything that shows up in my life asks for my careful attention. Everything is a mirror of both Divinity and ego. So I take all the gifts and challenges of these connections into the container of my inner reflection and awareness for contemplation and digestion. At the same time, applying careful discretion as to what aspects of mirroring I take as clear and resonant.

The invitation is also to delve deeper into those places  within me that have been too painful to even hold in the light – until now. And to nurture my own healthy masculine that can hold all – shadow and light – in the utter strength of unconditional love and presence. These souls are mirrors and teachers, as is every soul we encounter. This is about conscousness and peeling off yet further layers of illusion. Each shift in clarity and truth that any one of us creates, ripples through all consciousness.

Each experience with wounding, projection and a lack of authenticity I have encountered in my closest relationships has been a hugely powerful catalyst to awareness and growth. A great illuminator of the shadows and unconscious projections I still carry. And a vital invitation to honour my truth and authenticity and not give away my power to others’ expectation, however alluring. A relentless re-focusing on who I truly am and releasing roles, control and qualities imposed on me – and assumed by me (in many incarnations). And a catalyst to further jump-start and liberate even more my infinite heart and passionate body, the Sacred fires within me. The Love that I am is so beyond “personal”, so limitless. It has its home within me and this One calls to be absolutely embraced in this Love at the foundation of every movement, expression and relating.

So as the lessons show up, I learned more quickly this time and with less pain. I did not feel safe and my growing edge was to learn to keep myself safe(r). I did not feel respected, heard, held or revered. I did not felt fully met. Trust – in the human form – proved to be misplaced….So my invitation is to stand in those roles with love, compassion and dignity – no matter what – with all parts of me that show up. And to find the only place I CAN truly trust – God/Spirit.

And that means being – apparently – “alone” again. Alone with the Beloved and how the Beloved shows up in every single soul I encounter. How the Beloved expresses in my Being. With mySelf to go deep into the essential work that I am called to. Not pretty, not glamorous but oh so essential. Even with twenty years of self- development and exploration, these are whole other and vital layers in embodiment, growth and service.

Each soul has a journey in meeting, healing and embodying the Divine feminine and the masculine aspects within in order to come to wholeness. I know so many conscious women who are deeply frustrated at the apparent absence of equivalently  conscious and devoted-to-the-Divine men – open in their heart yet strong and balanced in their masculine self. We long to be met, heard, and held – as equals at all levels.  I don’t doubt this same seed of longing exists in the essence of many men also. The more each one of us – male or female – can love ourselves into wholeness, we literally (co)create new paradigms for this Sacred Union to be mirrored in the form of “other”.

For this one – as for many of us – at this time, my teaching – again – is to relax……to trust more completely what Life has in store; to take any longing inside – to my true and ultimate Sacred Union with the Divine. To nurture all of these qualities within and through me in that connection. And if it is in indeed – as it seems – Spirit’s plan for this wholeness and Sacred Union to embody truly in the physical then I am deeply grateful when that ultimately does show up in Truth.


When in hurt we have the choice to constrict, to be bitter and armoured or to embrace the learning with deep humility and grace and keep our heart wide open. I have made both choices in the past but now there can only be one choice. For the path of dedication to Spirit demands all, everything. Demands our wide open, cracked, bruised, blood spattered heart lain on the altar. Again…And again…

For now, the invitation is to trust That which is. Not any individual. Not any man. Nor woman.  And most certainly not my own mind. To trust more completely, utterly in the Divine. And thus see and experience each one of us as Spirit in form doing our best to navigate the challenges of duality, human needs and our projections.

It was demonstrated to me again very dramatically recently in a supremely intense incident – triggered by a bizarre set of circumstances, precisely choreographed by Spirit – that I cannot trust anything my mind offers (unless received fully and absolutely in and through heart and belly) – anything!  I can trust my heart and my body. But I know how quickly and subtly the human mind can intervene and distort anything. I experienced the hellish agony of what the mind can throw up. I touched into the depths of fear and pain that have been locked within. I could not trust anything my mind generated. I could not trust the person I was with. I could not escape the situation.  I could only turn everything to God, breathing moment to moment for what literally felt like my life and a tenuous grasp on sanity. It was an unequivocably powerful teaching that could only have been lived through my vulnerable and embodied experience. And calling in all parts of me to hold my self through it.

I watch very carefully for pride and ego showing up as obstacles to transformation. I have watched the dissolution of my most intimate relationships in this past year as a result of the projections of ego – both my own and theirs. My deep calling this year is liberation. From the illusions of ego, from ancient echoes of suffering. Liberation into Love and trust in Life beyond anything before. In knowing that the Divine is the true home of trust, that does not bring cynicism nor disillusionment but rather liberation from hurt and disappointment through misplaced trust and projection. And freedom to receive every one of us in deeper compassion in our human-ness – especially myself.

So I take my grief, my aches, any sense of betrayal and disappointment, my aloneness, my passion, my joy and aliveness to the Divine.

To the Beloved who is me/you/everything. Holding all places in Love.

I take my vast love.

My light. My shadow.

My longing and desire.

My surrender. My not knowing,

All that I am.

I give All to God.

This I can trust.

*I am aware that some of my sharings are deeply personal. I can only write what I am guided to and what comes from and through my heart. They are but my reflections of pieces of my dance, offered unconditionally as perceived and felt in this now, with humility, gratitude, respect and love for each soul playing any part. We are all actors in this earth school, serving Love. With this, it is my hope and intention that in sharing, the words and the energy in them may touch, awaken and inspire in even the smallest ways.

Helen serves consciousness and love through global events, international gatherings,  one to one consultations and writings. Please get in touch through her site or facebook.


The Cave

I have just returned from a Sacred Pilgrimage in the south of France that leaves me profoundly changed. It will take time to absorb and then the words will come. For now, this simple offering, with much, much love.

Cave light

I am the Cave of truth.

Enter my cavernous space and gasp in wonderment

at the magic here.


A sanctified chamber

that holds the truth of humanity

in the dancing particles of light.

The truth of this journey on earth.


Breathe in the diamonds

and the ancient secrets unfurled.

Breathe in the knowing of millennia

shining in your eyes.


I see you.

I see you here.

For there has never been separation.

There has ever been death.


Life is innocent and infinite.

There is only Life.

And I am Here.


© Helen Quail 2014

images © Ariette Loeffen

Inspired by the Cave at Perillos and the Sacred gifts of France

Perillos Helen

Helen returns and anchors Light and the Divine Feminine energies through consultations, groups, seminars and global light transmissions. Connect at http://www.luminosa.org.uk or on facebook.

Know yourself as Love

Know yourself as Love.

I am Love.

All other that is arising is the dissolution of ego ( a messy business!)

Do not keep seeking outside.

The Gateway is indeed Within.

The Gateway to Bliss.

To Her…..

~  Mary Magdalena fall in love

Through Luminosa, Helen is a Keeper of the Light, supporting the return of the Divine Feminine through Gaia and beyond.

Do connect on facebook to global transmissions, groups and individual consultations ❤



Discernment and Love

In the journey through this life we will move and weave through many roles, many suits of clothing that we will try on. Some we will keep for most or all of our life – mother, daughter, sister. Others more fleeting.

All of them are but veils. Attachments in which we invest our energy, our need to feel safe, loved, known.

But what is our identity?

Who are we?

Who are you?

In this life, at this time, I express my soul, my divine essence – through sharing energy healing, teaching and practices. Anchoring light. Life has flowed a very strong movement in the last year into the beginnings of some of  the larger scale energy  work I am here to do. I am so blessed, profoundly honoured and expansively grateful to connect with hundreds of souls around the word in regular remote healing events. And there is much more that is to come. Seeds at this time. And my heart sings with honouring my path more.

Yet with this I notice a development that caused me a little discomfort, or more correctly, signals more opportunity for vigilance and self exploration. I do not want to have any “label” – teacher – healer – lightworker – “spiritual”. I do not want to be placed on a pedestal, however slightly. Anyone who sees light in “this one” is but experiencing a reflection. I am most certainly human! I encounter the challenges of managing ego and embodiment on a daily basis in a busy life. I do many things I don’t feel good about. I could always be kinder, softer, more patient, more tolerant and so on.  So I hold the space for me to be all that I am. All that I am “not”. It is all ok. Changing, evolving, unknowable. As I try to hold for all others.

This brings me again to the key aspect of discernment. This was a very strong teaching through the first months of this year especially for me personally and is a key lesson for many or us on a journey of expanding consciousness. A series of correspondence with a spiritual teacher who makes very particular claims as to their identity and significance shook me deeply by the mismatch between what I was meeting and what I “expected”. In time, I gained clarity, stood back and saw all the aspects of ego I was being so clearly shown.

I accepted these also as a mirror of course and practised gratitude for the teachings. By being so challenged by the discrepancies between someone supposedly so evolved and others’ faith in this person, I came to a further deepening of my understanding of the essential importance of trusting and exercising my own discernment, my own experience and truth – no matter what others say or claim; no matter how much status, significance or light someone supposedly carries. And the source of this is the Heart.

It is so very easy for us to project our own light (as well as our shadow) onto others. To seek and see in them those qualities we look for within.

Turn your gaze inwards. Ever inwards. Of course there is a valuable place for guides, teachers and mentors who will walk with us literally or metaphorically even if just for a step or two, or for lifetimes. But every teacher, every being we encounter, is simply guiding us back and down into the depths of our Infinite Heart. This is your guide, your one truth. And our learning is to move deeper and deeper into it, letting the confusion of the mind dissolve, soften, move aside. Aligning with what our heart is showing us, often through our body, no matter what “mind” may be yelling. Developing our skill to centre deeply in the intuitive Heart, to know its resonance and in discerning what is authentic and what has been hijacked and distorted by the mind, quicker than a flash..


A few days ago a graphic photo was shared on social media of two young Indian women, hanged by the men who gang raped them. The person who shared the photo – a respected spiritual teacher – spoke of his desire to inflict comparable physical suffering on the men who did this.

I was deeply affected by the image and the horror of what has happened, what happens across the planet every day. I carried the collective grief in my body for days. It is fact. Cannot be denied nor should it be. If humanity is to evolve, every such act calls to be faced with courage. It is understandable to feel anger, grief and a myriad of deep emotional responses. But the response of this male teacher also unsettled me for I recognised in it the same vibrations that caused such suffering. Yes we need to be in the world. To courageously face light and the depths of shadow and what humanity is capable of. But what do we do with this seeing and knowing? How are we with this energy? Do we direct it into hatred and retribution – simply continuing the cycle of ignorance and suffering that created such a tragedy? Consciously or unconsciously with our thoughts. Or do we acknowledge and actively transmute our probably reactive response into love; into compassion and the energy for positive evolution. We can be utterly authentic and grounded, feeling what is arising, allowing it and transmuting all into light, rather than perpetuating the flow of such damaging patterns. Expressing not sending.

My serving – like many at this time – centrally involves healing and reclaiming the divine feminine. On a grounded, embodied level, that means addressing the murder of these two women – and the many, many more who are daily raped, abused, tortured or killed. But also very much addressing the patterns in consciousness that created this. Make no mistake – those men – all men carry equal suffering from these appalling acts. The masculine and the feminine are both further wounded. I feel ancient and deep sorrow for this, I grieve for all. And I flow the energy of intention to transmute the profound misunderstandings and ignorance that perpetuates the pain.

We are all required to continually raise our understanding beyond the blindness of conditioning. To challenge any beliefs we attach to. For the sake of all humanity.

I pray that all beings awaken to their true nature, as the divine in human form and as a species we return to Oneness. For this, we practice daily seeing everything and everyone in its Divine essence now. We are Love – and behind every thought, every action, every face is Love. Our task is to see it – in others, no matter how “lost” “they” may seem, and most of all in our own selves, in our confusion, our shadow, our longing, our beauty. For we are no different. No better, no worse. We are all Love. Made from and returning to…

Helen works with healing, consciousness and light through consultations, workshops and collective events. More information on her website and facebook pages.

Truth and the Inexpressible – Meeting the Divine Mother


I have hesitated to attempt to express what I am about to , either verbally or through writing. I have sensed that it is already way beyond my mind’s ability to encompass and that any attempt at expression with only bring in limitations. And partly because of this knowing, it now feels important to enter this anyway. Knowing anything that comes forth can only be partial at best…The knowing is in my heart. Not my mind. Can I articulate the unlimited heart….?

Two weeks ago I returned to the Orgiva valley, this time on a personal spiritual retreat. Idyllic yes, but with it came my own challenges-of the-making. Exploring my expectations of myself and my time there; listening to the whisperings of my inner demons; dancing between focus and spontaneity; form and freedom, all the while staying true to my intent to go deep into myself, into the Divine.

On my first day, as I bought provisions for myself and a friend who was also using the time for personal retreat, I came out of the health food shop. Glancing at the noticeboard crammed with posters and adverts, one jumped out immediately. I was drawn by the smiling face of a young woman, almost child-like, struck by her innocent joy and how young she seemed. The wording was entirely in Spanish but I understood enough to know that daily satsangs were being offered in the town and to understand this is in a house named “Finca de La Luz” dedicated to the Divine Mother. For a number of years it has been clear that my path dances around the Divine Feminine; supporting Her return and embodiment on the Earth. She teaches me daily and weaves through every aspect of my LIfe. I am also here to bring Light, to anchor more Divine Light through my being, with others, onto the planet; to be a “lighthouse”! So… with all of these hefty “nudges” from the Universe, I made a mental note of her name and when I got back to the farm where I was staying, tried to find her online. All my endeavours failed…

I entered into the dance of the week. Ceremonies and meditations, honouring the solstice and full moon. Thrilled to await her rising, breathless, over the mountains on the horizon. I  played with the clear, cool waters of the river; drummed and journeyed with the ancient olive trees …all wonderful teachers. I meditated on the rooftop under the sun, gazing at the mighty Sierra Lujar and the mountains cradling the valley; I healed and rested; walked, ran and danced; I gathered armfulls of oranges fallen from the farm’s trees, and squeezed fresh juice to drink each day. On occasion, I  dipped into the town and people-watched, fascinated…I read over past journals, marvelling at all I have already within. Have always had.

All the while, I had not forgotten that poster. It floated at the back of my mind. But I did not want to bring pressure of being tied to anything; to truly give my soul the gift of being in the flow…On the second last day, I was in the town again and somehow back at the health shop checking the poster details. Saraswathi Ma….(Saraswat(h)i is the Hindu Goddess of knowledge or wisdom. ) I asked in the shop to be told the satsang was just a few minutes from the winding track where we were actually based on the farm. Another ” sign” I felt. This time, I wrote the details and number and was even drawn a detailed map of where to go! I got home and immediately got online. I found to my dismay that satsang was on five days a week – not that day nor the next when we left. I had missed it! I called nonetheless and explained to the person I spoke to. She gave me another number, this time for an English speaking woman. I explained to her again (over a very poor mobile connection) and asked if there was any way I could even meet Saraswathi. A few calls back and forth ensued. Then it turned out Saraswthi had just decided spontaneously, thirty minutes before I called, to offer a short satsang that afternoon with the women living in the house. I was invited to join them.

I have been blessed with many experiences over recent years of deep knowings, guidance from my heart, that may make little – or no – “sense” to my mind. This was without doubt one of them. I did not know why. Nor did I have any expectations, but I knew, without doubt, I had to be there. In the hour or two before I went, I watched a short interview of Saraswathi describing some of her journey. I knew that it was so important that I meet her directly, in person. Not just to read her book or watch something online. I knew this was about directly experiencing, direct revelation. I showered, changed and prepared to make the short walk along the track to where the map showed. As time moved on, my belly reinforced the significance of what was unfolding. As I walked under the mid-afternoon sun, I felt as if I was going to an “execution”. I felt the fear in my belly…the “healthy” fear of taking a step, that is vital, yet unknown; one that carries great potency. My body gave me further evidence that I was exactly where I was meant to be. I called on the earth to support and ground me, taking my time, not wanting to be too early.

The English woman I’d spoken with had arranged to wait outside the gate for me. No sign of her, I waited, centring, breathing, standing in shade under some trees. Time moved on nearer the four pm start time with no sign of anyone. I had already checked up and down the track in case there was another house that could be the one as on the map. Eventually I managed to call on my mobile. After a lot of confusion, it emerged that I had been told totally the wrong location. The Satsang was starting, but it was on completely the other side of the town – perhaps twenty five minutes walk or more. It was not clear if I would be be able to join, if  I found it and got there but I know I had no choice other than to try.

So I ran. Under the hot sun, Through the river, Through the sleeping siesta-filled alleys of the town. Past shuttered shops. I ran. And ran. All the while, repeating to myself “All is well. All is well.” Praying for direction and guidance to find the Finca down another long track somewhere on the other side of town. I knew I was a “crazy” sight, running in the hottest part of the day, through deserted streets and along dusty tracks, yet also knew it was perfect. Exactly as meant. And totally unattached. If I got there and it was not to be, it was not to be. As I ran, I could smile at the humour in how I’d been given a “map”, and relaxed with this…..yet now found myself running in a completely different direction. I ran.  I sweated. I didn’t check the time (no point). And at some point, there it was – “Finca de la Luz” (The Lighthouse). Pulling over the gate, I made my way across the garden to the porch and slipped off my sandals (tricky to run in!) laying them beside the others lined up. I paused to take some deep breaths before , as quietly as I could, stepping into the room.

ImageDropping instantly into the shift of space, I was aware of a small circle of women, most on the floor, some seated. I saw an empty cushion and sat, silently acknowledging some of the other women with thanks. I became aware of Saraswathi opposite my place and we connected silently, steadily. I let my eyes close, my breath steady and deepen, aware of sweat seeping down my head and body. As my heart rate and breathing steadied, I found myself opening into the most beautiful space of love, coolness, peace. Whisps of fragrances teased past – mint, lemon and others unknown , cool breezes came and went, and all the while the most exquisite sensation of tender love and profound peace, emanating from my heart centre, spread through my being, permeating my whole awareness.

And from here, I have no words. Because what I experienced was beyond form. Beyond knowing. Yet so, so soft. Dropping into a space of such peace and beauty, time had no meaning. After some period, one or two of the women were moved to offer questions, reflections. All utterly pertinent (of course) to my “self”. And I experienced Saraswathi. I experienced the Mother. I experienced “me”. The Mother flowing and expressed through the one before me and the one I am. Profound wisdom, flowing from a depth of embodiment I had never experienced in person. Wisdom founded on such a depth of knowing it took my breath away. And love, such deeply healing, present, fearless love.

There were moments where we gazed into each other eyes for a long, long time. All else dropped away. Tears ran silently down my cheeks. Pure love. Beyond form. The experience of being and oneness beyond limitation. Aware at times of my ego’s fear arising in this field of unlimited Being. And feeling them subside into the oneness of love. This was – is – beyond “self”, beyond knowing.  Experiencing the Mother. As “her”. As “me”. Losing all illusion of separation.

Held in a timeless circle, each of us was drawn deeper into Being, beyond Self. A circle of perfect Divine souls, seeing each other in Truth. And afterwards, we spoke. Acknowledging what was meant to be. Exchanging gratitude. Laughing at the synchronicities that unfolded. Many doors opening for the future but mostly just resting in love and gratitude for this moment.

There is no neat conclusion to this “story” of course. I strolled back the same road I had earlier ran through, panting, sweating under the hot sun, unsure where I was headed, overflowing with both gratitude and stillness, such an open-ness of being. Allowing all that had unfolded to begin to filter through my body. Precious jewels, I sense I have regained knowing at a depth it may take an unknown time to assimilate. Remembering through the Divine mirror. By the next day or two , I notice my ego mind already trying to reduce and question the experience. It was truly challenged. But the truth is lodged in a deep, deep part of my heart. A seed that will continue to flourish.

I have no idea how this will flow through my life, other than that we will meet again. Of course. And go deeper. This is but the beginning.  I suspect Saraswathi was an important factor in why I was guided back to Orgiva at that time, as she is there giving Satsang from June until November. I have her book now, trembling, waiting before I dive in. Yet again, Life shows me that when I listen…to the whispers..the urges..the calls of my heart..and trust…miracles can – and do – appear. When I slow down into the divine rhythm, soften, quieten, all unfolds.. enfolded, embraced in the Sacred Mother.

May you meet and remember your truth, your light.

Do connect through facebook or my website. I support groups and individuals on our journey to remember and embody our light.

You can explore Saraswathi Ma through her website. She is offering Satsangs in Orgiva, Spain until November then in UK and globally.