Tag Archives: teacher

Sailing on the Sea of Infinity

Life is a miracle. Full of surprises from moment to moment – when we drop down, stop trying to control, when we touch that eternal place that maybe we had lost or forgotten. When we open our eyes, wide, drop into quietness and open to that which we are born unto. Five years ago I first met a man – a beautiful, beautiful man – who has touched my soul and helped return me home, in ways I could never have imagined, nor yet describe. I was not looking; not searching. I had heard friends talk of him for a year or two. I was open, curious to find out for myself if there was anything there…

I knew immediately that this was something special and deeply powerful and felt the effects ripple through me and my life for months, but it was two years later when my whole perception experienced a massive and spontaneous expansion.  I suddenly found myself with “a teacher”; never having considered that I was looking, nor “ready” for one. I also found myself travelling away from my family to other countries to experience the workshops with him, with no idea of what would unfold. I wept at beauty beyond anything I had conceived of. I experienced Divine Love flooding my bones. I was swept in the storm of remembering and never again wanting to forget, yet knowing I would. I am so profoundly grateful to experience a dance like no other.Image

The past years since those moments of seismic shift have brought gifts, transformation and miracles beyond anything I could have conceived. Life just expands and expands. As I dip my toe in, with more and more joy and freedom and curiosity, I feel the ocean, limitless, of which I am.

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We are all on this  blue planet, a small boat, hurtling through space. I look up at the stars, knowing my body belongs to this earth, but where did I come from? Where will I go when I leave this boat?

Whilst on this planet, I am here to express what is in my heart and soul and I do this best, it seems, through writing. It can feel overwhelming to attempt to express not only the deeply personal but the un-knowable, but it also feels important to offer something of my truth, as I can, in this moment. Ask me who I am and I can only say I am of Life. I am Life. Infinite. Un-knowable. Ask me what he is to me and all I can say is that I touch a tiny, tiny drop of who he is and what this experience brings forth and what I do not know is so much vaster. I glimpse his phenomenal understanding of how the mind works , and what the body is, and he is so deeply in his bones and blood that through him can flow a vastness that takes my breath away. And thus he shows me Life/the Universe – what is in me and of me.

All I can say I know is that he brings me home. For this my love and gratitude are soul-deep and eternal.

Emaho, you have helped this soul, my soul. That you can know.

You can contact Helen or explore her work on her website or on facebook

 

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A Shift of Perspective

How interesting the times when chunks of our words “disappear” from the computer, as just happened to me for perhaps the third time today, including a more or less completed blog…!

For a week or two, I have been experiencing waves of resistance of a depth and intensity unknown to me previously. Storms of negativity that I find myself swept in yet just as quickly can be gone. I notice layers and layers of  resistance – to beautiful people coming from their heart, to my very life and its circumstances, and to Life itself.  Judgement, intolerance and explosive rage. Yet in between, I am happy, motivated, passionate. Interestingly, I have not encountered direct resistance to my own spiritual practices. So the cloak of the ego slips further and I see more clearly the ploy to lure me into swallowing the old beliefs, strategies, the twists and tricks to separate me from myself/others.

Life has been so very full and I am taken aback at the pace of time. So it has been particularly difficult to create any space to just be with myself. I have felt this keenly when I so long for inner space. Nevertheless, to the best I could, I connected to the full moon the last few nights, in ceremony. She only showed herself for the briefest of moments last night, allowing the clouds to part and shining her light upon me. Those few seconds remind me of Truth, of Light. That I am much, much more than my internal struggles.

This morning I chose to go for a short walk before my meditation class, feeling apathy and frustrations and not good about my lack of patience and kindness with my daughter. A view down through some trees to a river catches my eye and I decide to follow my intuition. I walk down and find myself in a place I have never before been, despite living in this town eight years and knowing it for decades. As I follow the river along, the land opens out into a beautiful green space and off to the side a waterfall gushes, fed by the melting of recent snows. I reflect on how a turn of the head or shift of viewpoint can open up a completely new horizon and experience. This has always been right here.

I stand before the waters letting them wash though me. As I gently shift into a more allowing attitude towards the storms within, I notice they have gently and effortlessly dissipated. And in the space is more softness, gentle opening, and even a sense of appreciation and wonder towards the bare trees silhouetted against the low morning sun, the light playing on the water, the sticks and mud under my boots.

At the same time I realise that even through turbulent storms within, there is an absence of a desire to seek answers or “fixing” by someone or something. I realise that I have quietly somehow  come to know and accept of my own inner teacher, my own Master, more than ever before. I have all I need within. Sometimes we are just called to go a bit deeper, to shift our perspective again and again.

As I gaze out of the window now, some hours later, I see the trees sway in the winds and the rain batters against the window panes. The storm may not be far away but I know I can choose to shift. To shift my viewpoint. To realign with myself – my deepest self, the one who is becoming unborn, unknown, and infinite. In truth who always has been.Image